Cracks in my brain

I see myself on a ledge looking down.
Its cold and dark and there is no one around.
Not moving and not making a sound.
Tears flowing followed by a frown.
How did I end up here ?
 Surrounded around by all my fears.
Its been some years 
Since I've held something dear.
Close to my heart.
Times before I would just fall apart.
I hate to lose something.
Losing something that means a lot me.
I don't want that.
Sealing off the cracks In my brain 
Depression makes everything sound the same.
That's why there is change.
So I never have to go back to that again.

Only a few

I look at everyone and I see only a few.

Only a few ?

Really out of all those people I only see a few.

Those people that I see  are my friends.

Those few friends I know sticking to the end.

it's not much but hey I see  it all now.

I don't need to be in the center of the crowd.

I'm fine right where I am.

At least I know where I stand

I don't complain and I do what I can.

For the friends who are there who see what I can do.

Thanks for reaching out helping me pull through.

Out of hell.

Recovering and doing well.

I leave behind the regrets

Regrets hinder me from finding out what happened next.

A note that shouldnt come to pass

Why must this happen again.
Why do I want all this to end.
I see myself with no much option left.
Once I go I can never go back thatis death.
This pain I feel in my heart wont fade away.
Lasting thru the night into the next day.
I really can't sleep.
I really can't eat.
I feel so shitty with no way to fix this .
I'm always getting myself into some shit.
What is the purpose of my existence.
To be a contradiction of what I'm suppose to be.
The man who follows his heart and his destiny.
But now what does he do.
Doesn't have a clue.
where does he go ?
Nobody knows
The only thing to know is that he should be alone.
Far from anyone or anything.
He hurts ppl who get close to him.
Always take the blame.
Holding his head down in shame.
He really just wants to quit this game.
 But it's not a game it real life.
Struggling to stay away from the knife.
In the silence of night.
He just wants to say he is sorry
Sorry for everything .....