reality hits home

I have a job but I can also be lazy.
I earn my money but I spend on things that I don't need.
Is it because i try to be like everyone else?
Is it to make myself happy?
Why is it when it too late that is when I realize my mistakes.
I can't take it back and I'm feel like I am stuck.
Good to have money and broke then next second . what luck.
Every dollar I make counts. Spending 5 or 6 bucks does add up.
I do tend to eat out why I don't know.
 Its understandable when I am outside for a while.
But when I am here i shouldn't do that.
I have soups, canned beans and rice.
All of that can fill me up just right.
God i can only ask for you mercy and guidance.
I am such a fool to think I can handle the world alone.
The pressure from the stress makes my head hurt.
Not enough water to hydrate me.
Not enough sleep to keep me rested.
Not enough food to keep my stomach from growling.
And yet hear I am complaining saying no one cares.
Why am i so focus on what other people think when.
I am hurting myself with the lack of sleeping, resting or eating.
Its my fault why I feel like this.
Its only going to get worse unless I change my habits.
I can't get scared every time I go upstairs.
I can't get scared leaving the house.
I cannot give in to fear or doubt.
I must change in order to improve myself.
I have to drink water regularly.
I have to eat food.
I have to make it so i have time to rest.
Starting now I must do what is required of me.
How can i help others if I can't help me?