Not knowing whats going on?

Walking out of the room hoping things will change.
Yet coming back I say Dammit its all the same.
I wish I could be confident in myself.
To be my own man
I gained the support of others
I feel like I am alone when they aren't around.
I shouldn't feel down.
Shouldn't feel like this at all.
Rattling my brain around it all.
What do i want ?
Why don't I have some idea.
Is it far or it it near.

Am I so dense?

If so, does it really make any sense.
Looking at the floor.
Hoping for more.
Looking up to say.
Lord let this be a good day.
Gotta sit down and think
I could gone like that with one blink.
All stress I could use a drink.

Going through all this S**t.

Is it really me that causes all of this?

No destination and no clue.
What am I suppose to do.
Really.
I would like to know.
Before I have to go.

Good Day "Steven"

A Sunny sky with blue clouds.
Clears my mind of any doubts.
 As the day goes by.
Walking down the street waving "Hi"
I smile to myself and say
This is a good day.
What should I do ?
Thinking about whats cool.
Feel like going to the arcade.
Play me some shooting games.
Like Area 51 or Ocean Hunter.
Will I ever beat that game? I wonder.
I leave  to go get something to eat.
Will I have Pizza or Chinese?
Neither of those, I think I will have a sandwich.
To my wallet it does less damage.
A good day is what I look forward to.
Even if it just me there, that's cool too.
All that matter is
This
Me with a smile
a smile that's last a while.

Negative to Postive

Complaining so much, It really is sad.
People look at my face and assume I'm mad.
I just remain silent in the background.
Better to be observe than to utter a sound.
I take in what is told to me usually.
Do people mean to hurt me intentionally ?
Why do I ask for their advice?
Feeling down and would like to hear something nice.
Sometimes that isn't what I hear.
More like something to fear.
Feel like running away from it all
Too bad no one tells you
the more you run, the further you fall.
God appears and tells me to stop.
This fearful act you must drop.
Nothing to fear except the Lord above.
Loved ones giving me a hug.
Telling me its going to be all right.
Learn to see things in a positive light.

Dream of you

When I put my head down, I dream of you.
Dreaming of peaceful time with plenty to do.
Seeing you smile again.
I begin to understand.
That this can only be a dream.
Your smile shows but not to me.
Images of a time I've longed for.
One mistake lead you to walk out that door.
She gone, It's no more.
Nothing else can be done.
Can't even think straight or have fun.
Its like a part of me that I've lost when you left.
I didn't want anyone else but you.
It hurts my chest
Seeing you now as my ex.
Have to bear it.
Endure the hits
Have to make a way out this mess.
Only God knows who is next.
Until that time comes. It's just me.
Nobody else but me.

Staying on the track

I fall down hard after being so close.
So close to thing I want most.
To be myself and nothing more.
To finally be able to reach that door.
That is my goal.
To be happy and smile again.
A gentle man.
Who doesn't given to anger or fear.
Leaving all that behind all those years.
I've been through a lot.
Yet, I find myself thinking about her.
How we used to be there for one another.
Those thoughts come and go.
For now I need to stay focus on the goal.
The lord is my guide to salvation.
Keeping me on track to the destination.
Have to be calm
Have to be strong.
Uncertainty disrupts morality
and exposes vulnerability.
Days are getting shorter, I have to be ready
No need to rush to the end,
Take it slow and steady.

I fell down Hard.

 My goal is to focus on the days ahead.
Why am I feeling so lost instead?
When I sleep I see
Past Memories,
and feel
Mental Injuries,
I feel as if I trying to tell me something.
Some Important clue that I'm missing.
Like a shoe that requires the right fitting.
Sitting in this chair
staring into the air.
The answer doesn't come at all.
Am i destined to come close and fall.
I need to leave love alone for a while.
So far I haven't been able to smile.
Been putting to much time into other things.
Not Me
Not one bit.
Ain't that some shit.
My priorities are all over the place.
All my fears hitting me right in the face.
Breaking down.
Falling without a sound.
 I hit the ground hard, Not moving around
Just Laying there....

Looking at myself.

Why do i choose to listen to this musician?
I like the song.
Why do i decide to do good.
Its better than doing the wrong things.
As days go by, Seeing the world in my one eyes.

I am what I am. that will never change.

Things change and some stay the same.
Like playing games on the PS2.
I would rather shoot zombies than be fooled by you.
Holding my heading wondering why?
I'm still alive with a job trying to get by.
Shaking that off, Time to look up at the sky.
Life is hard even when you get older.
Shows you that each day, it gets a little colder.
Got to surive and strive to make each day better.

Start with Today, one thing at time at time.

Being Thankful in October

As the year come to a close.
I think of all of things I've done.
What is bothering me the most?
Where is this all coming from?
Sitting in Chair
Breathing in the air.
Feeling Uncertain still
Holding How I feel.
I've down that road before.
The one leads to love.
Didnt know what was in store.
So I ask for help from above.
I pray for my nightmares to end.
Praying for peace.
Thank you Lord for my friends.
I'm grateful for all you've done for me.