Alone with myself.

In my mind, i only see myself alone.
Everyone has already left and gone.
I'm left behind and I don't know why.
Walking and struggling not to cry.
Sad to see me like this.
I'm want to remain unknown but I also want to exist.
Don't want to be hurt again.
So I keep my distance.
Where does that put me ?
An endless loop of procrastinating.
I'm so fixiated on not wanting to be alone.
I try to hold  on but my hope is gone.

Fighting my way Out.

Coming and Going. Is that all you know.

Making Someone feel good and then just letting go.

The same thing over and over again.

What is it that I'm not able to understand.

These games you play.

Going at it for days.

Is that all you know how to do.

Making someone feel like they a chance.

Feels like I've been doing the same dance.

Yet nothing changes, I have to move forward.

Going out the door and trying not to look backward

I like when i have that special feeling.

You know the one that has meaning.

Yet every time i get close I get smack down.

There never is a smile on my face. Just a frown.

Frown because things aren't fair.

That is life and people don't care.

Used and always confused.

I do my best not be rude.

Holding myself from what i truly want to say.

Honestly will I ever have a good day ?

Always in my shell.

Leaving it I always find hell.

Wondering what am i doing wrong.

Its like listening to a chorus from a horrible song.

I like you and you like me.

But they was just using you, can't you see ?

You felt like this and I was feeling like that.

All these mixed signal makes me feel like crap.

After all that shit, you think its cool to be friends.

Fuck you and the friend zone.

The End

Dealing with letting go.

Letting go of the memories that stay close to me.
Just me holding on to them isn't healthy.
My present isnt really the best time.
I get more upset and less kind.
Don't have anyone to blame but myself.
In the end there is only life itself.
Thanking God that I am alive.
Even so I wonder why ?
Not getting younger and yet it seem so much harder.
Why can't I see myself going much farther.
It's because I don't like to let go.
Hurting so much that nobody knows.
Why is so hard for me to understand ?
Dammit man!
Doesn't help further when I don't talk about it.
Holding it all in like it doesn't exist.
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.
Showing sign of me starting to erupt.
Please, I don't want to end this way.
Please allow me happier days.

Where I can outside and look at the sky.
To not feel as if I'm going to die.

It's really sad.

As the day goes by so silently.
I sit here in my room quietly.
Not making a sound.
Why should I ? There's no one around.
I spend my time thinking what's wrong with me.
I don't want to go outside.
Instead I'm in here wasting time.
Struggling with the thought of the end.
What kind of person am I , I don't even talk to my friends.
Its like I stay away from everyone.
I wish I could explain why
 is this really  who I am.
It really sad.That I live like this.

Death Talks ( A note)

Outside the cold wind blows.
Feeling that somewhere Death is close.
All the feeling in my body goes numb.
Holding my head. feeling pretty dumb.
Where to go from here ?
Time to disappear.
Away from everyone and everything.
Sadness is the only thing that I bring.
Listening to folk saying this and that.
Those cold and insulting facts.
I can only ignore so much.
Now its time for me to erupt.
I have talked about it for so long.
It seems like everything that I do is wrong.
out of all these thoughts that exist in my mind.
Nothing is more certain that wanting to die.
To not exist.
To take the risk.
Say nothing and disappear like a ghost.
Here and gone like a puff of smoke.

In a Rut.

Why is that? What does it all mean?

I don't say much to people and people don't say much to me.

Does it mean I am bad person who can't have anyone at all?

Just look at the scars I have from taking a fall.

Scars remind me of what people have done.

Thinking about it makes me depressed and not want to have fun.

Don't just speculate or instigate, Give me a fucking Fact.

Done dealing with people like that.

Either text or call. It's to see how you are doing.

Is caring for someone the wrong thing ?

In the end, Its the choice you make that matters.