what is happening to me

The feelings inside me,are they even real ?
I'm lying down and don't even know what I feel.
Today has been strange.
Seriously things need to change.
Where do I start ?
Start by not falling apart.
Smile instead of looking so sad.
I am alive today, I should be glad.
My problem isn't physical
More like its mental.
Not sure of myself.
Feel like there is nothing left.
I can't visualize the good around me.
I have nightmares that just hound me.
I can't just sit around and wait.
Just have to believe and have faith.
Someday I will understand why i am this way.
Maybe then I could have a good day.

Love Experiences.

Love is on my mind.
So gentle and kind.
Its been a while since I felt that.
Since then my heart has had attacks.
Out of breath and feeling dizzy.
Hearing that you must think I'm crazy.
I have done bad things but I'm not a bad man.
So quick to assume but don't take time to understand.
Two years have gone by.
Since then I haven't really felt alive.
Holding my head as I cried.
Like a part has me has died.
Screaming out WHY!!
It has been hard  for me since then.
I told myself, never again.
I don't know, if I care like I did before.
This is Life, Who knows what in store.

Being Emotional isn't a Bad thing

Sitting inside my room writing down my thoughts.

Taking a sip from the drink I just bought.

Lately I notice that I've been usually Silent.

Hey at least I'm not resorting to violence.

As I thinking about what to write about.

Trying to understand my feelings as I let them out.

I am a Emotional being.

Writing sets my limited mind free.

I do run into dead-ends at times.

What brings me back is the truth, not lies.

I like how it works that way.

Everything goes wrong and don't know what to say.
I like how it works that way.
Walking around
Not making a sound.
Trip over a rock and fall to the ground.
In pain and don't know what to say
I like how it works that way.

People stare at me as I walk by.
Making me feel like some creepy guy.
Do they even have a reason why?
So confused and don't know what to say.
I like how it works that way.

Yet I'm still here
I made it to this year.
Little by little things are becoming clear.
If there is one thing I want is this.
To Exist.
and to have
Plenty of good days.
I can look back at this and laugh.
Then I'll say
I like how it works that way.

Loves mean Something, So why do I get Rejected.

What is wrong with me?
What is it that I am not seeing ?
All I said was that I like you.
So why do I end up feeling like a fool.
Is it do wrong to be attracted to someone.
Being rejected is something that happens often.
It makes things that much more difficult.
To find a person like that would take a miracle.
I find myself feeling sad about it.
The thought of crying, trying to resist.
Thinking that no woman would ever love me.
Even though I make an effort, all you see is thirsty.
Do you even what love is or what it means ?
Putting aside yourself for something worthwhile.
Feeling loves makes even an unhappy person smile.
That is what I aim for.
I'm not playing that chase game, there's the door.
Caring for what the person is about.
Overcoming the wave of rejection and doubts.
Love is something I consider important.
To share that feeling and let it remain constant.
If all you see what I look like and base it off that.
You won't find what you are looking for, might as well go back.

Thoughts On Why I write

My writing helps me to take a look at myself.
Writing about myself and everything else.
Things that Ive gone through.
On somedays I just have no clue what to do.
When I write I see a lot of situations.
Seriously I should just change the station.
Most of what I see is bad.
Seeing myself feeling really sad.
When I'm done I post them on facebook.
To be honest, I wonder does anyone take a look.
I do this for me,
but some feedback would be nice for a change.

Just me thinking out loud. Not really a poem.

To all this people out there.
Saying that life is unfair.
Yes, it is.
What about me.
Do I think So ?
All the shit I've seen
This shit I've done.
Yet I'm still here.
I've survive all this.
I'm grateful.
I've could have been like
F**k Everybody
or
Brag what I've done for ppl.
But that's not me.
There is no satisfaction in that.
My Friends can accept me for who I am.
Able to Understand.
But don't force nothing on me.
I'm Human
I have a brain
I have a heart
I have a soul.
Without these three I'm just a hollow shell.
Sinking into Hell.