A note that shouldnt come to pass

Why must this happen again.
Why do I want all this to end.
I see myself with no much option left.
Once I go I can never go back thatis death.
This pain I feel in my heart wont fade away.
Lasting thru the night into the next day.
I really can't sleep.
I really can't eat.
I feel so shitty with no way to fix this .
I'm always getting myself into some shit.
What is the purpose of my existence.
To be a contradiction of what I'm suppose to be.
The man who follows his heart and his destiny.
But now what does he do.
Doesn't have a clue.
where does he go ?
Nobody knows
The only thing to know is that he should be alone.
Far from anyone or anything.
He hurts ppl who get close to him.
Always take the blame.
Holding his head down in shame.
He really just wants to quit this game.
 But it's not a game it real life.
Struggling to stay away from the knife.
In the silence of night.
He just wants to say he is sorry
Sorry for everything .....

Love in a few words..

Love finds it way in to my mind.

That feeling that is so gentle and kind.

It allows me to be at peace.

It makes the negativity flee.

It makes life well worth it.

To wake up each morning and say I exist.

Thanking God for what he has done for me.

Telling me life isn't so depressing.

The Goal In life for Me

When I see someone I know walking down the street.

Some acknowledge and other pretend to see me.

I do what I do because it is my purpose in life.

My purpose in life to be the best person I can be.

Continue to do the right thing.

The Lonely man writes again.

Loneliness Often speaks to me.
It tells me that it's good to be lonely.
Why Do I find it hard to believe that.
Being Alone, it makes most of us snap.
I prefer to be alone to make a recovery.
Recovering from negativity.
It is a necessity.
I can't go on and continue hide away in my shell.
There is another world other than hell.
It does exist and I will go to it.
Even if my progress is just a little bit.
Taking my time equals less mistakes.
Believe that I can do something right with my life.
I can go farther with myself.
Of course I wont be alone I will have help.
There are some who encourage me to believe in myself.
God has kept me alive this long.
I should trust his judgement, he's not wrong.

Just Aint Right U know

It ain't right to be ignored. Especially when you trying to reach out.

Ain't nobody got any time for that. Time to turn up and be out.

But what if that's not me.

What if I just want to reach out because I had a rough day.

If you had a rough day and I knew about it i would be there.

Its messed up when how nobody sees what the problem is.

They say to me: you're the problem you dwell much in the past.

You take thing way to literally. Lighten up and all that.

Well I was never shown how to just let things go and you know why

Because I am Emotional

Is that a crime ?

At least I'm open with what I have to say.

Don't even have a reason why you didn't say hello today.

This is not making it all about me.

This is a simple courtesy.

You don't have to say everyday. I'm  just asking about your well-being. 

I ain't related to you but do I need a reason to care about you.

That's OK, Let me be.

I know where my mind is and every day it 

Drifts further and further away.

Away from the negative talk about me.

 Truth is that everyday is struggle for me.

 I don't wake up thinking that the world is out to get me.

The actions and words of people I encounter everyday contribute to that.

Think before you speak about someone else.

Despair to Relief....

Tossing and Turning in my Sleep
Wake up feeling  weak.
Stumbling as I stand on my own two feet.
Not sure where to go.
Just standing there and saying I don't know
Where Lord, Please show me there is hope.
So I don't just sit here and mope.
Even though I have the thought to disappear.
I should be careful because Death could be near.
Will I make it to another year ?
I sure hope I do.
I should be happy instead of feeling blue.
I would like to find something new.
Even when I wait I am often teased.
All this pressure makes it hard to breathe.
Trying to Find that moment of relief.

Alone with myself.

In my mind, i only see myself alone.
Everyone has already left and gone.
I'm left behind and I don't know why.
Walking and struggling not to cry.
Sad to see me like this.
I'm want to remain unknown but I also want to exist.
Don't want to be hurt again.
So I keep my distance.
Where does that put me ?
An endless loop of procrastinating.
I'm so fixiated on not wanting to be alone.
I try to hold  on but my hope is gone.