So close and yet so far.

Whenever I try to get close, I end up far.
I know I don't know what the signs are.
So damn confusing.
Feels like I am always losing.
 So, Here I am again
Trying to understand
You and what you are all about.
Thinking you're slick with your smart mouth.
Telling me that I am cheap.
Saying mean things cause you think I am weak.
Well I got news for you.
That attitude you carry don't make you  look cool.
It makes you look like a sad excuse.
Treating me like shit.
You wonder why men refer to you as a bitch.
All these different reason on why you won't date this guy.
Got a nigga at home staring at the phone , thinking why.
After all the senseless drama, I have my mind made up.
Like tupac says " I just don't give fuck".
I aint desperate or thirsty.
Just would like to find someone who is worthy.

My Existence

People ask me How I'm doing I say I'm fine.

That's a lie cause I look sad all the time.

The life I live is something I have to deal with.

The world is like the sea and I'm just one of many fish.

I don't choose to wake up with my head hurting.

or

to get up, go out and start flirting.

What is wrong me? What is wrong with you.

People saying this that and the third.That shit ain't cool.

All I want is Peace.

Peace of mind for once Please.

No more looking back and doubting myself.

Focus on being me and not someone else.

For I must Speak up in order to be heard.

Listen close to these words.

You will not take me away from this.

I am here to stay. I do Exist.

Looking for IT

These days I wondering Where is my Head.

Nightmares keep telling me I better off dead.

The Pain  that i am feeling is everlasting.

Not eating much feels like I am fasting.

Seeing all these images on how I would die.

 Through all of that, How am I still alive?

What keeps me here and how can I find it?

Everyday I wonder about it.

That thing that keeps me here on Earth.

Overthinking

In my head I already know.
That it is just me.
Me
Over thinking.

Keeping to myself ,how could anyone know.

Know what is going on with me.
Knowing that I am constantly thinking
Thinking of what is best.
Thinking of where to go or what to do next.
In My mind
There are good and bad times.
Be grateful for the good
Learn from the bad.
I don't want to mess up.
Be cool and say I don't give a F**k.

Crucial Point

Walking down one road, heading down another.

When have we started to look down upon one another.

Standing back to back.

Defend from incoming attacks.

She's got your twelve, he has got your six.

One opportunity Make it count and don't miss.

The Dark Cloud Over my Head.

As walk the street alone.
I put my hand in my pocket and look at my phone.
No missed called or messages.
Yup, the usual damage.
Thinking that people are too busy to care.
Seeing people mingle everywhere.
What does this mean?
Should this be concerning me ?
Inside my thoughts are dark as the road.
A road with a dead end and no place to go.
I lean my back against the wall.
Looking at the contacts who do I want to call.
I try a few times.
Nothing but a dead line.
I get sad that no one is there.
yea but that's life. Its not really fair.
Even around people, I have nothing to say.
It's like I have subconsciously took a vow of silence.
or I have completely erased my presence.
That's when people want to know what is wrong with me.
For over two years I have not exactly been happy.
I've been struggling.
Dealing with my depression.
Dealing with society's rejection.
Dealing with the very thought of what I am.
After reading all of this, Can you Understand ?

Nightmares Part 2.

Another Night, Another Nightmare.
Another night I get really scared.
Those dark hands that have their on grip me.
Shaking  me violently as I sleep.
I'm running for my life through the fire.
Only to a gate that is covered in barbed wire.
Not seeing a way out. I keep on running.
It's only a matter of time, They are coming.
I look and yell around  for help.
There is no one there, I am all by myself.
The longer I stay there, I longer I start burn.
Burning Alive and Not knowing Why.
Demons are hunting me like a prize.
Why I am here?
Maybe because before I wanted to disappear.
Now I am down in the pit.
I should have held it together and listened.