what is happening to me

The feelings inside me,are they even real ?
I'm lying down and don't even know what I feel.
Today has been strange.
Seriously things need to change.
Where do I start ?
Start by not falling apart.
Smile instead of looking so sad.
I am alive today, I should be glad.
My problem isn't physical
More like its mental.
Not sure of myself.
Feel like there is nothing left.
I can't visualize the good around me.
I have nightmares that just hound me.
I can't just sit around and wait.
Just have to believe and have faith.
Someday I will understand why i am this way.
Maybe then I could have a good day.

Love Experiences.

Love is on my mind.
So gentle and kind.
Its been a while since I felt that.
Since then my heart has had attacks.
Out of breath and feeling dizzy.
Hearing that you must think I'm crazy.
I have done bad things but I'm not a bad man.
So quick to assume but don't take time to understand.
Two years have gone by.
Since then I haven't really felt alive.
Holding my head as I cried.
Like a part has me has died.
Screaming out WHY!!
It has been hard  for me since then.
I told myself, never again.
I don't know, if I care like I did before.
This is Life, Who knows what in store.

Being Emotional isn't a Bad thing

Sitting inside my room writing down my thoughts.

Taking a sip from the drink I just bought.

Lately I notice that I've been usually Silent.

Hey at least I'm not resorting to violence.

As I thinking about what to write about.

Trying to understand my feelings as I let them out.

I am a Emotional being.

Writing sets my limited mind free.

I do run into dead-ends at times.

What brings me back is the truth, not lies.

I like how it works that way.

Everything goes wrong and don't know what to say.
I like how it works that way.
Walking around
Not making a sound.
Trip over a rock and fall to the ground.
In pain and don't know what to say
I like how it works that way.

People stare at me as I walk by.
Making me feel like some creepy guy.
Do they even have a reason why?
So confused and don't know what to say.
I like how it works that way.

Yet I'm still here
I made it to this year.
Little by little things are becoming clear.
If there is one thing I want is this.
To Exist.
and to have
Plenty of good days.
I can look back at this and laugh.
Then I'll say
I like how it works that way.

Loves mean Something, So why do I get Rejected.

What is wrong with me?
What is it that I am not seeing ?
All I said was that I like you.
So why do I end up feeling like a fool.
Is it do wrong to be attracted to someone.
Being rejected is something that happens often.
It makes things that much more difficult.
To find a person like that would take a miracle.
I find myself feeling sad about it.
The thought of crying, trying to resist.
Thinking that no woman would ever love me.
Even though I make an effort, all you see is thirsty.
Do you even what love is or what it means ?
Putting aside yourself for something worthwhile.
Feeling loves makes even an unhappy person smile.
That is what I aim for.
I'm not playing that chase game, there's the door.
Caring for what the person is about.
Overcoming the wave of rejection and doubts.
Love is something I consider important.
To share that feeling and let it remain constant.
If all you see what I look like and base it off that.
You won't find what you are looking for, might as well go back.

Thoughts On Why I write

My writing helps me to take a look at myself.
Writing about myself and everything else.
Things that Ive gone through.
On somedays I just have no clue what to do.
When I write I see a lot of situations.
Seriously I should just change the station.
Most of what I see is bad.
Seeing myself feeling really sad.
When I'm done I post them on facebook.
To be honest, I wonder does anyone take a look.
I do this for me,
but some feedback would be nice for a change.

Just me thinking out loud. Not really a poem.

To all this people out there.
Saying that life is unfair.
Yes, it is.
What about me.
Do I think So ?
All the shit I've seen
This shit I've done.
Yet I'm still here.
I've survive all this.
I'm grateful.
I've could have been like
F**k Everybody
or
Brag what I've done for ppl.
But that's not me.
There is no satisfaction in that.
My Friends can accept me for who I am.
Able to Understand.
But don't force nothing on me.
I'm Human
I have a brain
I have a heart
I have a soul.
Without these three I'm just a hollow shell.
Sinking into Hell.

What really Happens at school.- A true Story.

During his break,  a guy was walking around.
Keeping to himself not making a sound.
Pulling out his notebook he begins to write.
As he looks up, he sees a pretty sight.
A Girl who walks into the room.
Her presense seems to erase all that gloom.
She sits one table away.
Thinking if they could talk, that would make his day.
Taking a chance, he goes over and says hi.
She just looks up and goes back to what she was doing.
Damn, That cold feeling.
He thinks to himself, is there something wrong.
All he would like is just to get along.
Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
What is that suppose to mean?
At times He gets frustrated and walk out.
His mind filled with anger and doubt.
Believing that he meant to stay in the friend zone.
Starts to really wish that he was gone.
Toward the end of the day, he ends up a familiar spot.
A place with that high enough to make a drop.
He leans over the railing and closes his eyes.
Is this it? Do I really want to die ?
Suddenly he sees something.
Something that opens his eyes to endless possibilities.
Almost falling down to his death.
He grabs the railing, and takes a deep breath.
Laying on the  wall.
Grateful that he didn't fall.
He makes his way outstide.
Smiling that he sees the sun shining in the sky.

At least its something.

Living life with a smile on my face.
Moving around going from place to place.
I wave and say hello to everyone.
I'm outside laughing and having fun.
I like feel that positive reaction.
But, Happiness is only part of the fraction.
Where there is Happiness, Darkness waits.
Waiting for the right time to make its escape.
As it lurks in the shadows
Fear and Doubt also Follow.
Planning to corrupt the day.
Turning into some tragic play.
Suddenly I find myself lost in the mist.
Holding my head wondering why do i exist.
Wandering around hoping to find the way back.
Thinking that.
I have bad days and some good ones.
Its not over and I'm not done.
I'm still alive.
That's something right ?

Starting Back up again.

My thoughts feel Obsolete.
I feel incomplete.
This cage make life so depressing.
Trying to break free.
Here I go again.Time Wasting
Deal with these feelings.
So busy Chasing
Yet at the end it all.
All I did was Fall.
Why do I care so much about Yall.
People were there for me.
Cared for me.
Now Its time for me to think Logically.
Its not worth going insane.
Gotta start using my brain.
Reminding myself, I'm not playing no games
This my life, I know who I am.
If you been my shoes, then you can understand.
What it means to be man and have problems.
Settle down, Figure it out and solve them.