Feeling Good on a different day.

Today is a diffrent day, I feel good.
The past is behind me like it should.
Thanking God for the friends I have.
It actually feels good to able to laugh.
I don't need the negativity.
All it does it just give me anxiety.
Another trip to the hospital that I don't need.
Taking it slow, Feeling content with being me.
School is almost done.
Can't celebrate yet, I haven't won.
Knowing that the end is always hard.
Faith is my calling card.
Helping me to believe in myself.
Doing my own thing and knowing when to ask for help.
I am not a burden or a plague.
I walk around with a smile on my face.
Knowing that you can't take that away.
I don't need a person who declares judgement.
Unless it's God, Not looking for punishment.
I had up to here with people's misunderstandings.
Can't agree with what you are saying.
Do you even know who Iam.
What I've been through, Can you understand.?
I am not the only one in the world with problems.
I am taking the time to solve them.
Praying that I will achieve my goals.
I am going to stick with what I know.
That is the way I've been since the start.
Holding myself to not break apart.
It took me a while to get here.
I choose kindness and consideration over fear.

And I thought I was Bad_wtf

I look around, I see a sea of beauty.
I walk towards it and it flees from me.
Why does happen majority of the time.
Is there something about me, but I'm kind.
Kind to females and willing to listen.
I don't have some kind of hidden intention.
I want to be friends but they run away.
Man, it sucks at time, ruins my day.
There ain't no point in looking around.
I hear how these other guys sound.
Lusting with the look in their eyes.
I don't understand how women can be with these guys.
Will I be alone, Yea mostly for a while.
Where is there a girl who can make me smile.
Done with all that looking.
Taking my chances with God, he knows what I am feeling.
I was told I was selfless about my actions towards others.
Helping out one another.
That is my goal in life.
One day, I will have a house,children and a loving wife.
Another goal I aim to reach.
I am here to listen and God is here to teach.

What I am Suppose To do ?

I am sinking fast, gasping for air.
Sinking to the bottom, is anyone there.
Two months have gone by, still can't sleep.
No desire to do anything, not even eat.
It's like I am slowly killing myself as the days go by.
I don't know what is going on inside my head.
Those dreamless nights keep me from feeling refreshed.
I tell myself, I have to accept it and be strong.
For a moment I feel like myself, then it's all gone.
The question that I ask myself each day, Why I am here.
Why are people afraid when they see me get near.
What am I doing that pushes them away.
I keep my silence, Literally the whole day.
Not talking doesn't banish those thoughts.
I am not treating myself like a victim, I know what I did wrong.
Going to school or going out.
I have to pass that house.
Do I want to? No, I wish it didn't exist.
I walk past it like it doesn't bother me at all.
Honestly, who do I even call.
I am emotional, I can't deny that.
However, It's not worth another panic attack.
I really wish I knew what to do.
I don't know if I can make it through.
It is really hard holding myself together.
Fear surrounds me,getting scared of the others.
How am I suppose to move forward?
Sitting in this room will not get me any closer.

Looking up and not Giving up

At night time if it is clear out, I can see stars.
Even though they are small, their reach is really far.
I've wondered at times, what does being up there feel like.
It's like taking a rocket to the moon to take a hike.
That may sound silly but then again, It's me writing.
Writing is my cure.
When I write I sound pretty sure.
Don't want to write about the bad.
Thinking about only gets me sad.
Where are the memories that allows me to laugh.
I wish my memory was useful in math.
All those numbers and formulas, sounds so complex.
Driving my brain insane, a real pain in the neck.
I need to get to the IT stuff.
School isn't easy, at times it can get rough.
Not giving up hope and have plenty of patience.
I know by not giving up, I will make it.
Getting all the important stuff done.
At long last, the victory is won.

There is Still time.

I am so jittery right now, why am I so nervous?
Trying to keep calm but I feel so anxious.
Messing up a lot  and embarrassing my self.
I wish I could just fade away till nothing is left.
In math, I do not know what to do next.
God, I ask can you hear you me now.
Rebuke it Lord, all this fear and doubt.
I know that it will be ok, I'm beginning to understand.
It was you put the pen in my hand.
Giving me the ability to write.
Writing a few that take up the entire night.
After all that I am stuck on writer's block.
Writing like a fiend, man I gotta know when to stop.
School is important, too important to fail.
Don't want to get an F in the mail.
I know now what I must do.
Get off my ass and do well in school.
Life is too short and I can't always feel down.
It is cloudy now but,
The sun always seems to come around.
That is what I look forward to.
Doing something new.
Expanding what I know.
Telling the devil No!
There is somewhere I would rather go.
Back Home to the country.
Sunny, warm, and plenty to eat.
I am not going to change or aiming to please.
There is nothing wrong with me.
Words and actions can make me feel hurt.
Pretend to care only makes it worse.
I stand tall, no one is my crutch.
Depending on people like that is messed up.
As life goes on so shall I.
Time to wake up and see the world with my own eyes.

End of Year, Realizing What is important.

I like to say that this year has taught me something.
Take nothing for granted, you'll never what time will bring.
As the year come to a close, I only have one request.
To get better before deciding what to do next.
I am glad to have come back to school.
Instead of doing nothing, I used my resources as tool.
Learning about things I didn't know before.
The next step happens as soon as I open the door.
Meeting People and getting the chance to socialize.
Sticking with real people who don't bother to lie.
A lot people here though don't seem to care.
As I walk by, why is it that they look up and stare?
I just breeze past them like a silent wind.
I am what I am, My name is Jin.
Although that is something I just call myself.
I stuck with that name and offered my help.
To people out there, I know it is hard.
Losing everything, breaking down and falling apart.
In the end, The sun will always shine.
Where there is bad, there are also good times.

Writing about Love.

Hoping to meet someone special in my life.
Someone I can talk to during the night.
Being patient about it, looking for her.
I would not trade one for the other.
She is not mine to keep all to myself.
She isn't just trophy lying on a shelf.
Considering her important and she does the same.
One thing is clear, I'm not here for games.
A person is unique in their own kind of way.
That one person can just brighten up the day.
Writing about love and at times I feel alone.
Depression smothers me and hope is gone.
If I have problem, I am going to solve them.
To change from the way I was back then.
I will show you myself, no tricks just me.
Looking at you and stunned by your beauty.
I look away fast, feeling shy.
Forgot what I was going to say, Oh why?
I ask myself," What is wrong"
In time I guess, I will be strong.
Faith is what holds me together.
Any time, any place, in any kind of weather.