A Much Need Break

my mind needs a break from this work load.
Watching from a window,the river flows.
Breaking away from those negative feelings.
What is with all this constant thinking.
My thoughts can't always do the work.
That happen before and it got worse.
I reach out for the book that I need to read.
Reading the wise words that God left for me.
I wonder how is everyone doing?
No time to stand still got to keep moving.
I want my pain to go away, but it still there.
What am I doing wrong? its not really fair.
What is fair? What i am left with at the end of the day.
Realizing that I smile and I now say.
Thank you God for all you've done.
This day has only begun.
I look forward for what you have in store.
I will keep going until I am no more.
Writing is the treasure you have allow me to find.
To be generous to others and to be kind.
I am Content.
To write while making sense.
Being around people who see me for who I am.
That what you've given me Lord, I understand.
I am sorry for the things that I can not change.
Since that moment, nothing has been the same.
There times where I cannot find my hat.
I don't realize where I am at.
In your presence, I feel like I'm not worthy.
I hide my face and run away from destiny.
But then how could face the others.
To me they are like my brothers.
Supported in both good and bad times.
Not looking for a reason, saying this is mine.
Its for everyone and I will share.
That is called be considerate and yes that is fair.
 

After the storm

When you first meet me I am quiet and shy.
Even though I don't say much people wonder why.
At times, i see others having fun.
While I sit alone looking up at the sun.
Why should I be like everyone else?
I don't just stand around, I want to help.
Used to people calling me strange or weird.
Back then words like that brought out the tears.
Saying to myself what's wrong with me.
being different requires so much thinking.
Positive thinking brings out the best.
Talking about me, moving to the next.
If I stay behind, then I start to feel anger.
The warning sign in my head that reads, Danger.
Feeling the rush of the adrenalin.
At that point, I am not really going to listen.
Words are like swords, they cause wounds.
Wounds that are not going to heal any time soon.
My heart is pounding to the rhythm of a fast beat.
Got to control myself, allow my mind to be clean.
Betrayal reminds me of  former friends.
Its been one month now, they still don't understand.
Understand what term friendship means.
I was mad but now I want to be redeemed.
 It burns in my head but that fire has died down.
Tomorrow is a new day to smile not frown.
God leads me on this righteous path.
I yearn for peace within myself not wrath.

Talking about life

Sandy is talking, blowing away wires and trees.
God lets me know that she is no threat to me.
As long I have faith in myself and those who care.
Allows me to believe in my Lord , I know he is there.The wind blows but we know not where it comes from.
I don't underestimated it as it can harsh to some.
Thinking about life and what to look forward to.
I only desire peace in my life and to pull through.
At times I feel like I repeat myself.
If I do, then it is  the positive words that mostly help.
I pray that everyone is inside and safe.
Time to be cautious and to avoid making mistakes.
I can hear the howl of the strong breeze.
Still sick with the cold, and I don't have to sneeze.
That's a relief! In my room drinking green tea.
It my favorite drink to have when it gets depressing.
I don't go around to get green herbs or white rocks.
There are important things to get like food or socks.
Self- control is the way to go.
Will life get better? Only God knows.
Telling to me have Faith. Going for the gold.
That is the reward I get for not falling in the hole.

A quote from Bleach

"No man's life is worth more than another! If you're gonna put your life on the line, you do it as equals! I don't care if you're brothers, or master and apprentice, or whatever! You should only die for a guy who'd die for you! There's nothing honorable about throwing your life away as though it's nothing! That's just showing off like a kid!

Ikkaku Madarame 

A storm comes but I will still be Me.

The rain pours and the wind howls like a wild beast.
Dangerous to be out there in the street.
The wind tends to get faster and stronger.
Like depression.
Holding things in and it stays longer.
I don't want to feel hurt anymore.
I am afraid of what the future has in store.
At least God is there watching over me.
Showing me there are possibilities.
To overcome the darkness, I must have faith.
Anger, pain, and doubt I must erase.
Those things only exist to bring me down.
Is that why people say I walk with a frown.
Well then they shouldn't say things about me.
They don't know anything.
Why should they talk.
Kick rocks and take a walk.
Don't need your opinion on life.
Listening to that brought me closer to the knife.
One month has past and here I am.
Seeing people for what they truly are, Now I understand.
I meant nothing to them but I didn't think that way back.
Here i am now trying to survive on nothing but snacks.
I am content with that and that God keeps me alive.
I know one thing Unlike them he won't lie.
To me he is like a guide showing me the way.
Sandy is here now but tomorrow is another day.
I choose not to dwell on what they have done.
Believing that this is not the end.
There will be a day where I will have fun.
I must be patient it will not just come to me.
I look for the day where it will be just sunny.
 

The Nightmare.

I couldn't sleep at all last night.
All those nightmare gave me such a fright.
People losing hope and ending their lives.
At the funeral people crying and wondering why?
Why did they do it ? they ask themselves.
How come they never came and asked for help.
Where were you when they needed it.
All alone they were while you were taking pics.
Endless pictures of groups having Fun.
All they wanted was just one.
One friend to be there in their time of need.
Is that too much to ask, not asking you to feed.
Knowing how that feels to have no one physically there.
That's not entirely true, God does Care.
He is there when no one else is.
He created you and he wants you to exist.
A purpose for you to fulfill.
Have Faith in yourself, develop a strong will.

A Bad Time

Why of all things did I have to do.
To be the one to hurt you.
It been over a month now and its still hurts.
I write it down but the pain feels so much worse.
Can I ever get a good night sleep again.
Man oh man I wish someone would understand.
You left and needed some space.
Those memories of you are hard to erase.
I can't pretend like you didnt exist.
 I will be a silent as a fish.
I want peace in my life with the people that care.
I thought you did, that space feels like wasted air.
This isnt something that  I desired.
Like time in a hourglass it just expired.
Is this what people look for in a relationship.
a few good moment just not to feel lonely.
That is some bs, I consider someone other that me.
It makes me mad just thinking about it.
The pain and betrayal it doesnt make any sense.
I don't normal act that way.
It didnt matter what i had to say.
In the end you left.
You thought that was best.
I didnt stop you from making that choice.
Honestly all I did was abusing my voice.
Not handling my situation, Bad move.
Feeling new to everything like a noob.
Went to psyche ward to hand my problems.
Learn what i can do to solve them.
When I go out It didnt get any better.
You sided with them, and made me look a fool.
Now I know that all along I was just a tool.
Don't need all that crap.
That could make a motherf**ker snap.
I know that I could do my best.
This day was bad but what about  the next.
This poem is about a bad experience I had.
What had to bappen, really made me sad.
Going through all that nonsense.
It's a part of life, nothing make sense.
Right now I don't what to do.
God, what I need now is a breakthrough.
Please Lord, I ask for a woman who treats me right.
Someone I can look forward to talking to at night.
To have that feeling that someone has your back.
Feels good to have, I concur with this fact.

What goes in my head 6

Writing is something that I like to do.
During the dull day it allows me to pull through.
Depression can be really distracting.
What is the real problem within me?
Blacking out at random times, unable to remember.
Becoming someone else when I sense danger.
At times, I feel like nothing can stop me.
Getting too comfortable, losing my morality
I know that I am good guy willing to help.
Considering others instead keeping it to myself.
In the real world, it is hard out there.
Life isn't perfect but at times it is fair.
Doing what you want, does it really make me happy.
Not Exactly.
Instead I get bored after a while.
Remembering the good thought I start to smile.
When I think about God and his angels.
How they are so kind and he is gentle.
Watching over me and everyone.
I thank him for what he has done.
 

It comes from within.

Being a hero to those who don't have one.
It sounds impossible but I know it can be done.
Greed and selfishness corrupt this world.
Lusting for another man's girl.
What is being done about these things.
Nothing.
It sucks when I see this go on.
I know what It feels like to be used as a pawn.
I am pawn no longer, helping myself to get better.
I am only offering advice not a lecture.
Friends are people just like you and me.
When we are all together, feels like a family.
But then there are some who don't share that opinion.
Going out there, doing things for attention.
life doesn't work that way, trying to fit in.
I will not risk everything trying to win.
Winning isn't everything, I always known that.
Not giving in to the enemy helps me feel less like crap.
I go and do what I can each day.
I'm mostly a quiet person but I do have plenty to say.
Life is important, We each get only one chance.
Communication is necessary, it allows us to understand.
People can assume what they don't know.
I prefer the real thing over some show.
 

What I am

If I had only one wish.
It would to be to exist.
I choose life over the death.
Being content over being the best.
Going forth with all that I am.
That is what makes me a man.
I am not perfect, we all have flaws.
Dedicated to believing in a cause.
To do right by someone and not betray them.
Betrayal is rocks, and Trust is a gem.
Listening to the sound.
looking down at the ground.
What is down there besides dirt.
Looking before I step helps avoid being hurt.
Depression holding me down, I want to escape.
Walking around, admiring the landscape.
A wide open field with the sun in the Sky.
I smile and shout out that I am Alive.
Life is filled with struggle and hardship.
Don't let eat at you bit by bit.
I know I am important and so are the others.
Learn to respect one another.

Poem of Depression.

Tell me why I feel so blue?
No knowing where to go, feel so confused.
Listening to the wise words word that she says
Echoing and reminding me each day
That I should focus on what does matter.
Talking bad about people is useless chatter.
Going forth in my life.
Yet I wander around and look up at the Sky.
Wondering where everyone is.
What is going on and what is this?
Those memories keep coming back.
At this rate I just might have another attack.
Memories that I wonder was this all a lie.
Can't always sit around and wonder why.
I really am not sure what to do.
At this rate am I really going to lose.
Feeling sick and dont have any strength left.
I'm stuck at this stage ,cant even progress to the next.
I pray this doesn't last too long.
I know that doing things on my own, I could be wrong.
Soon I will see the doctor and ask for help.
I really need to fix myself.
This semester is almost over.
Can this really be the end, Will I think of her?
She has been really helpful with habits that I need to break.
I'm really tired of having no motivation and making the same mistakes.

My Head Hurts... Chikusho

My mind is warped being invaded again.
Achieving peace is not hard to understand.
Minding my own business, not bothering anyone.
I stay in my room, they are the ones having fun.
I do stay away really I do.
They're people with nothing to lose.
I'm in school and I want to pass.
Living in the past will just give me another panic attack.
What they did is inexcusable and for no reason.
Why is she doing this? She just changed like the season.
Pouring her wrath into everything that she does.
Now those memories are nothing but fuzz.
All I feel is anger beating from my soul.
That old snake is pulling me into the hole.
Lord, i call out to you.
What must I do?
Is there any hope.
I don't want to sit down and mope.
I pray for wisdom and strength.
Showing me what they truely meant.
Just like you showed me the door before.
When I open it, I don't know what is in store.

I will carry on.

Reality can be harsh to whatever it's sees.
Like getting stung all over by a bunch of bees.
Are you going to stand there or move out of the way.
Time is going by fast, while you do nothing all day.
Motivation is hard to come by.
Something that happens to me and I ask "why?"
The unexpected is very good at catching me off guard.
Problems arise that I can't solve, making life really hard.
Can I control what happens to me in this life?
It does makes a difference when I put down the knife.
No need to bring what has happened before.
Leave it there, like rotten milk I find in the store.
Going forward is the next plan of action.
Making things happen as myself not as a fraction.
Holding myself together in times of stress.
Not allowing the devil to distrub my rest.
God is there showing what I can do.
How to let go, and pull myself through.
Writing is his gift to me.
Showing me that I have a talent in poetry.
One day I hope to put all these poems in a book.
Sharing it with others so everyone can have a look.
Remembers all those people who kind.
Those people's advice will stay in my mind.
I have feelings like everyone else.
Being Considerate of others and taking the time to help.
Caring for the person next to you.
In return they might invite to have some food.
The future is mysteroius and unknown.
Wandering around I have found my home.
Home is a place where I feel comfort from people who care.
Remembering what they have done for me, even if they are not there.
In time my wound will have finally healed.
I will carry on and not yield.
Walking to that special place.
Seeing God greeting me with a smile on his face.
Telling me to always have faith.
Knowing one day, I will do something great.

One Life- Remembering My Purpose.

We each have only one life. In this one life, there are obstacles to overcome. At times, these obstacles reveal themselves when it is most inconvenient. How to solve the problem requires you to think. I cannot solve anything or go forward if I don’t start. Being focused is good; it makes accomplishing goals much easier. Do not only focus on one thing in particular or else I forget what else is going on. This past month has been hard. I have been falling behind in my classes, Feeling depressed and losing motivation. Giving up is not an option for me even though at time I see that choice that comes up often. I made a vow while I was in the psych ward that I would change and get better. That means I am out of the comfort zone I was in before and now I have to think for myself. To be honest, this is the start that I need in order for me to change. The family that I live with has given me sanctuary and now I am currently staying there.

I am grateful for their kindness and I also thank God for them being there for me in the first place. The shadows of the past surround me whenever I am by myself. At times I feel myself shaking, trying to break free of their hold. I been carrying that load for a while now and it is time to leave that bag right where it belongs. It has been nothing but trouble for me. Going back and making attempts to fix the wrong doesn’t always work. Accepting what I cannot control is a part of life. I understand that and I am keeping my distance. Telling everyone what I go through is a habit I must break. Doesn’t really make the situation any better. In the end, I value peace more than I value conflict against others. A sound mind is what I aim for and I do positive things to help me get there.

God, Friends, and Family are the greatest support in my life. Since this ordeal has happened they have been there to lend an ear. Even the people around who I am unfamiliar with have given me their input on the situation. I do think about the good things that have happened. Knowing that negativity can leave its mark at any time, allows me to be aware. Aware that where is good, there is also evil.  I will not however let that consume me. Remembering and realizing what has happened in the past. I see what I must do instead of repeating the mistakes from before. October is at its end already and now I must vow to continue to finish this semester and pass my classes. I know that I am doing something with my life instead of nothing.

 

 

 

 

Familar places

I am in a familiar place, do the memories matter?
They did at one point, that hope has been shattered.
Boy, what I did was incredibly stupid.
To not listen to advice of others and not get the hint.
Anger rises in elevation.
Forgetting what we did, there was no relation.
What I feel right now is mixture of anger and pain.
After September nothing feels the same.
Like when the twin towers fell.
I thought what I was going through was hell.
Thinking how can I recover from this.
Breaking down from taking vital hits.
Betrayal of a family and loss of a friend.
This was their choose to go to the end.
I will not follow, I have my own path.
Doing what you did, I didn't snap.
I held myself together and gained control.
No longer in the past, i am out of the hole.
At least, I still have a job and i am going to school.
To be myself and enjoy life that's cool.
What I've learned is to just be yourself.
Don't try to be anything else.
I know that God watches over me.
I still have time to go forth with my destiny.

Love, Fear, and Hope

Love is not something that just comes right away.
Be patient and in time it will happen one day.
To say that you will be alone for the rest of your life.
To me that means that means you lost the will to fight.
Waiting for someone to come to you, doesn't really work.
Being yourself and relating to others take an effort.
That special person who you see that makes you feel good.
May not be the one, Let life flow as it should.
Who knows what will happen, Only God knows.
Love is about you being yourself. Don't be a ghost.
Ghosts are spirits with unfinished business.
The past can be a burden, makes you question your existence.
All this wrong that I've done and yet I am still here.
This a sign telling me to change and not give in to fear.
Fear can consume you make you not trust anyone.
When you talk, its like you're shooting someone with a gun.
Words hurt and can make someone feel hurt.
They take that step and it makes it worse.
Telling you that they can't trust you anymore.
That hurts more than be slashed with a sword.
In the end you say you can't take this much pain.
Knowing what you did and not doing it again.
A lesson is learned.
Negativity causes burns.
Build yourself from the ground.
You can do it, no matter how impossible it sounds.
 

A shorty( short poem)

To feel complete, to be loved by someone who cares.
To achieve success in life, it has to start somewhere.
The world is big and people aren't always friendly.
Don't let their looks or their words make you feel lonely.
We all started with nothing and  see others with nice things.
Some people are content, while others are filled with jealousy.
Greed and Temptation go hand and hand.
You must not fall for these two, they can ruin a man.
Having all that money, some friends become enemies.
Those girls who tell you come over, leave you with nothing.
Good looks or money don't define who you are.
I am content being an ordinary person not a star.
All the attention would just give me anxiety.
If anything just be yourself amongst society.
Being full of yourself is just too much.
Have Faith in yourself and never give up.

More Pain and a Realization

Pain, It hurts a lot.
It sucks more when you connect the dots.
Hearing the truth makes me think twice.
About company who I thought was nice.
You get mad so you do what you want.
I get upset and it makes me want to run.
Run away and live in a cave forever.
I don't want to think like that ever.
No one is perfect, everyone has flaws.
Talking down and judging me, who made you the boss?
Not wanting anything to do with me.
Not wanting to argue, maybe that is destiny.
Feeling uncomfortable wanting to get space.
When I look at you, no expression on your face.
I have let it go, no going back.
Not really wanting another panic attack.
Talking to the doctor and taking meds.
I wish it could have worked out instead.
I said I would change and that is what I am doing.
Doing this for myself. Regret is time consuming.
Accept it for what has happen and to not repeat it.
I have taken enough hits.
Learning from my mentor who guides me.
Telling me I can do great things.
I am willing to stand my family and my friends.
I fell out of the comfort zone, becoming a man.
Losing track of time, I was dependent on others.
Lose sense of myself, I couldn't face my brothers.
To be role model for them showing confidence and strength.
Having support in life and knowing what it meant.
That God is there, rooting for you.
He tells me not to give up so soon.
So I pick up my head and look at the sky.
I found my answer and know I know why.
I am here to help for no benefit at all.
People who tend to get greedy, sink and fall.

Doing Something with your life

Going to school is better then allowing yourself to fall.
Doing something is better than doing nothing at all.
It helps when you commit to an idea.
Stay focused and get into gear.
Allow the good to shape your mind.
Knowing how to properly manage your time.
Don't waste it as it opportunities are rare.
Don't wait till last minute and say its not fair.
We are all accountable for the things that we do.
That's why parent push their children to go to school.
You may not realize it but school actually does help.
You are here to make a difference, but by yourself.
Ask for help if you need it, don't just expect the answer.
Not even realizing it, suddenly you have cancer.
What should you do?
Do I even have a clue.
I would most likely freak out.
Lose all hope in life and start to doubt.
Then I remember that God is here with me.
Remembering that he can do great things.
He can make a way out of no way.
Realizing he does matter and what he says.
Faith shows you the answer you seek.
Believing in him will give you peace.
 

Feeling of a strong nature 2

As I was sleeping, I found myself in a dream.
Thinking about the girl I like, what does this mean?
Holding on to my feelings, afraid of what might happen.
If I told her how I felt, I don't want her to feel saddened.
Her feelings are important, so I am considerate.
Taking each day slow and not risking it.
As I was dreaming about her I began to smile.
I wanted that dream to last for a while.
To me, she isn't some random girl.
I thank God for meeting such a person in a messed up world.
Seeing her face, my heart begins to race.
I ask myself was meeting her part of fate.
I have thought about it, the feeling feels good.
Taking the time to work on myself, like I should.
I know I am not a bad person and she sees that.
Besides her caring personality,she is also beautiful that's a fact.
Since I've met her I been writing more.
I felt like she has open that hidden door.
An inspiration , she has been to me.
To be considerate to her and her well-being.
So strong these feeling I have are.
I mean what I've said, it comes from my heart.

What goes on in my head 4

At times, I have no motivation to want to do anything.
I know I am not the only one, there are many.
Problems show up no matter where you are.
Anger will get you somewhere but not far.
That path will lead you to be lost somewhere.
Thinking that people are emotionless and they don't care.
In fact, that is just negative thinking.
What are you really keeping ?
Your feelings for someone or something else.
Before it gets really bad, seek help.
 You cant help anyone but you.
I tried being there for everyone, but I failed at that too.
Speaking for someone when they should do for them.
are they even considerate?, do they give a damn?
All these questions hurt my head.
At times like this I wished I blacked out instead.
When  you at least suspect it, helps does come.
Friends who show support and tell you to have fun.
Bad people who betray others.
At times I wonder, were they raised by their mothers.
When you're little, you are taught right from wrong.
Holding yourself together and whistling a song.
Being told that i am still young and yet I am adult.
When bad things happen, I always say its my fault.
I mostly am the one who apologizes.
Seeing my mistakes and recognizing.
That I am not a bad man.
People should not judge me, only God Can.
As time moves forward, so shall I .
I will not turn my back on others, if so I will cry.
I am only one man, but I do as I should.
I want to be remembered for doing something good.
My little brother who looks up to me.
Tells that he cares, I start smiling.
All is not lost, as I thought before.
It was right there all along, have to walk through the door.
To see all the people that cared, and that haven't left.
Thank you lord for all you done, you are the best.

Building Up Strength

Thinking about life, yes it is tough.
See myself in pain, I had enough.
Tired of blaming myself for my past.
I acknowledge what I did, for the friendship that didn't last.
They want nothing to do with me, that is their choice.
Not wanting to argue anymore, it is waste of a voice.
There was a time where I want to resolve my problems.
Since no one wants to, I ask God to forgive what I've done to them.
Can't let that old snake tell me what to do.
He brings me down and God pulls me through.
Telling someone to let it go while it hurts is bad advice.
Bringing up old situations, is that really right?
Is my conscience clear dealing with all of this?
Going through hell isn't my fondest wish.
A new day has come yet I don't know what I am searching for.
I'm content what with God has given me, not asking for more.
I see the true enemy hiding in the shadows.
Guaranteed to shoot me in the back with an arrow.
I am no longer blind to the ignorance that is there.
Hearing the arrow fly right through the air.
If I stand and do nothing, then let it strike me.
I move out of the way, no point in senseless fighting.
The enemy does what it can to disrupt the balance.
What I see is nothing more than cowardice.
Focus the mind, be true to yourself.
Let Faith guide the way, block out everything else.

The pain I feel and then a little glimmer of Hope.

I am tired of being the same old guy.
When problem comes, asking why.
The past does not define who I  am.
Instead of looking at that, take time to understand.
When it comes to feeling, I should be considerate.
Take times to do thing right, don't rush and be an idiot.
I wake up, start the day and be me.
Facing the real world, what is my destiny ?
At the moment I feel really alone.
No one here except me on my own.
Fading fast, Once again I am a ghost.
Times I feel tired and hungry at most.
Not really wanting to do much.
Life does really freakin suck .
Damn this Negativity
Its like being infected with disease.
The strength I had is slipping away.
 Going by fast each day.
Those good memories, where are they? I want to love someone, someone who cares.
This is a big world,is someone there ?
The feelings that I have is not for just anyone.
To be able to smile and have fun.
Most people see me as a bad person.
The more I hold in, The pain just worsens.
There is though someone on my mind.
When she smiles, to me she shines.
I feel myself writing poems about her.
To not feel this about any other.
Going there and back again.
I will overcome this pain and it will end.

Something about me...

Reading all this poems that I had written before.
For a moment, I stopped and then began to write more.
Hopefully One day I can put this into a book.
That way many people can pick it up and look.
A book of poems that reveals my troubled past.
It took a while but the negativity didn't last.
At first I thought i was the one to blame.
Racking my brain about to go insane.
Other people can relate to having a bad childhood.
Some parents had no role model to show them the good.
Getting mad and throwing things, where has your mind gone?
Don't you know that instigating is just wrong.
Listen to everything before you start yelling.
No one knows everything so please stop telling.
Telling a person to do this, what makes your advice right?
If something were to happen, could you sleep at night?
Until the day came when I got on my knees and prayed.
Praying to overcome the darkness and to see a new day.
Being alone at times can be either good or bad.
I been alone majority of my life, and for that I feel sad.
They have been many people I have told my story to.
When I tell it, heart clutches hard, hearing what I had to go through.
I don't tell you so you can show pity.
There's no joy  when someone else is doing the hitting.
It hurts and I have to remember it for the rest of my life.
At the end of the day I thank God for being alive.
He watches over me, my family and my friends.
He assures that this moment is not the end.

What goes on in my head 3

As the leaves fall, the cold air blows in.
Putting on a sweater, keeps me warm from cold wind.
Taking each day one a time.
Allowing the positive to fill my mind.
I feel a lot calmer and more like a man.
Writing about experiences so a person can understand.
We are all human beings we can all relate.
Going through problems each day, its not too late.
To help one another in this hard life.
 Talking to one another, letting go of the knife.
Ending it all will not make the pain go away.
People look at your body crying, dont know what to say.
Don't look to that option, take that step back.
You are not alone, Together we will get through this crap.
Holding those memories close that is what matters.
People who talk about others, it just useless chatter.
 You shouldn't say nothing else better to do.
God gave you a brain to create something new.

Creativity is the key to escaping the bad.
Don't be greedy, be content with what you have.
Faith is the key that opens heaven's gate.
You can be somebody as long you have faith.

My Home in the South

Going back home to the countryside.
Going by car, I don't mind the long drive.
From New York to Alabama takes half a day.
It is worth it, that is what I say.
All the states that we pass through.
Seeing mist over the mountains, man that's cool.
Stopping at truck stops for gas and snacks.
When I get there, I just relax.
When I wake up, I leave the house.
Not going far, I see a mouse.
It is really hot down here especially during July.
We get really bad storms with lightning pierces the sky.
All our neighbor are really far apart.
Learning to adapt is a good start.
Yea It's quiet down here and that's good thing.
I really don't like all that noise and company it brings.
Coming down here to see my grandmother.
She often tells me that we should help one another.
She really can't see all that great.
Watch out for holes, inside could be a snake.
Another why I come here is to heal.
Sitting in a tree or walking in a field.
Either one helps to calm my mind.
Keeping myself in line.
I go back up north feeling a lot more like me.
I don't need the city when I got my home in the Country.

My worst enemy is Me

Clouds in the sky, the rain starts to fall.
The struggle within myself, is there any hope at all?
Listening to the song Route 209, it takes me back.
When I was living at home before all this crap.
I been holding this heavy load for a while.
Just recently, I began to smile.
Man, it really has been some time.
These good thought, they really are mine.
Some people believe that I do more harm than good.
Like Yoda says mind their business they should.
I have fallen down, but I don't just stay there.
My life doesn't stop here because  of your stare.
The negativity trying to hold me in place.
Taking the hammer of positive thoughts to negativity's face.
It shatters just like glass.
Those bad feelings made me look like an ass.
Let those things go, venture there no more.
Time for a new beginning, starting from the shore.
 

Relate To....

 To be in someone else shoes helps to relate.
The experience we share, the roads we take.
We have to make choice that affect our very lives.
The choice that we make shouldn't be based on a lie.
At times I wonder Why do I feel crap.
It help to calm yourself and even enjoy a laugh.
Learning helps to understand problems better.
To resolve situations and be social together.

The enemy loves to destroy and corrupt.
Like letting the small things make you erupt.
Anger is dangerous. It can affect even your love ones.
Without even noticing it, you start to feel shunned.
Knowing how to deal with anger is a start.
How to keep your life from falling apart.
Be mindful of your company and those you trust.
Betrayal break apart bonds like a powerful gust.
Respect others, and not the other way around.
Trying to hide those devious motive and they will found.
It doesn't pay to fake around those who care.
When the true colors show , who will be there?
Change your ways and acknowledge this.
You become your true self through effort not a wish.
  

Feelings of a Strong Nature.

Meeting you for the first time unable to speak.
My mind focuses hard, it is you I seek.
Seeing you smile, I light up inside.
As I look in to your eyes  , I can see you are very caring.
I have feelings which I don't mind sharing.
To take the time to spend with you.
It cures me of the blues.
To be this close to you, my heart beats very fast.
Wishing that the moment with you could last.
I hope you pass your test.
Days where I can see you are the best.
You past me and left me with my mouth open.
Just like the story, you are the woman I want to help.
To be content with what I have and nothing else.
I want to tell you how I feel, but I don't want you to get hurt.
To me you mean something to earn.
In the end, I will help you anyway I can.
You are the subject which I am willing to understand.

When I left the school that day.
I remember two weeks ago saying "hey".
Seeing you in my mind, saying wow.
I really feel fortunate to meet you now.
Me being so quiet, I wasn't sure.
How to speak to girl who sits by the door.
When I saw you, hearts fly around my head.
My mood just rose from the dead.
Being optimistic about helping out.
My mind at ease, without fear or doubt.
Reading a story about a man who helps.
A woman who needs it and nothing  else.
He carries her across without hesitation.
 Meant no harm, not asking for a reservation.
Looking at her heart, warm and caring.
The poet forgets what he wrote, he couldn't help staring.
He just met her and yet he feels happy.
He wants to return the favor and not feel crappy.
The past reminds him of the mistakes that he made.
One mistake he didn't make was meeting you that day.
Being content with all that he can do.
Let him be himself, and read this poem to you.

Before I knew you, I would quietly walk away.

Running into you in the hall, brighten up the day.

I look forward to the days when I see you.

Waving goodbye with a smile on my face, no more blues.

Talking to you about my past.

Venting out the bad thoughts like a poisonous gas.

What attract my eyes to yours?

Putting a smile on your face of course.

I only look at two things, your mind and your heart.

I respect them both like priceless pieces of art.

A flower comes to life when it blooms in the spring.

Birds fly toward the tree and begin to sing.

Melodies are consistent like being in harmony.

Sitting next to you, I see a natural beauty.

Writing about you, I feel like a connection is there.

Looking up at the clouds, forming you in the air.

Appreciation is one thing and consideration is another.

For you these matter most to me and no other.

I thank you for taking part of being in my writing.

Being upfront about with you about myself, no longer hiding.

As I have been around you, I’ve been writing more.

Thank you for being you, I know who I wrote this for.

You.

Recognizing

Asking for help doesn't hurt.
Being independent, Does it work ?
Hard work and determination that is what counts.
Walking down the road without any doubt.
Seeing the gifts life has brought us.
Some people don't see it, instead they cuss.
To be alive each day, to be able to breathe.
I wonder how life is on the open sea.
Man, its good to have dreams.
To think about it and say what does it mean ?
I can be me who drinks green tea and writes.
I will keep on writing ,even if its late in the night.
It puts a smile on my face to see how far I've come.
Time to stop being so negative and to have some fun.
I recognize and acknowledge my mistakes.
Keeping everyone in my prayers and making sure they're safe.
I know what I did was wrong, but its not the end.
I accept what I did, now I fully understand.
Listening to friend's story about what they went through.
Remember there are bad days but, there are good days too.

Path to Redemption

Thinking about what I have done.
 It's cold outside, where is the sun?
Alone in my room, the bad thoughts start to come.
Telling me that I am worthless, feeling shunned.
Struggling with the bad, forgetting about the good.
Need to handle my problems like a  man should.
Confront it if necessary, let it go after.
That was the last page, time for a new chapter.
Cutting people off for me was hard.
Where did this problem occur and when did it start?
Not saying anything has allow others to walk in.
Hoping to stay afloat, when you're really sinking.
By the time it is realized, it is already too late.
No time for regrets, learn from your mistakes.
Getting myself together is a goal.
To be me my own person, complete as a whole.
Not being judgmental or trying to be the best.
I will take the time now to heal and to rest.
I thank God for keeping me alive.
To have that is a blessing, I don't ask why.
Keeping my mind focused on the times ahead.
Those good memories remind me not to hang my head.
 

Out of the Hole.

Fear is what causes myself to worry.
Try to solve the problem in a hurry.
As I begin to understand.
What it means to be a man.
Getting by in life is not easy.
Trying to ride when your stomach is queasy.
That will result in a big mess.
When you don't study, you will fail the test.
Its good to prepare for the times ahead.
It's good to be you and not end up dead.
Making the right choice is all the matters.
Those bad thoughts, like glass they shatter.
Faith in yourself, go on and be strong.
Prove it to yourself that those people were wrong.
Taking what you say and turning it against you.
Man, that is low and yet how can you act so cool.
Do you care at all, do you have any feelings.
Does my existence have any significant meaning?
Yes it does and God shows that he cares.
Unlike the people who do nothing but stare.
Friends who come around to show support.
Being there for each other always even in court.
To go far and at times a little more.
The future is mysterious who knows what in store.
To help people is my purpose, and myself is a goal.
To help myself regain my senses and get out of the hole.
At top I see myself smiling at what I've done.
It's start of a new day and it only has begun.

AnOTHER Poem

The difference that one conversation can make.
Yet the stares remain the same.
To other people, I am not normal.
I want to be me and not you.
The sun is there to brighten everyone's day.
Can't just sit around just play.
Making an effort to find out what life bring to the table.
Gaining morals from Aesop's fables.
 I want to be a hero, not a joker killing innocents for no reason.
Like a definition, I know my life has a meaning.
As long I can believe that, i will be fine.
Careful with what i say and to not cross the line.

An effort to make a friend

 I want to learn how to talk to someone.
Someone I can call a friend.
I should just go for it, instead of being nervous.
By you talking with me, you have done a great service.
At times, I could use someone to talk with.
The ignorant people really need to get  kicked.
Taking my words the wrong way.
People like that ruin the day.
In life, we mostly fail.
The boat will get stuck  until it is time to sail.
People all around me yet I feel alone.
The feeling of all hope seemingly gone.
Men and women both have roles to play.
In the end it does matter what you say.
Words can express how you feel.
Like two countries fighting, time to make a deal.
Deal with your emotions and bring home a good answer.
Don't let your anger deteriorate you like cancer.

"Anger is the key to your own Destruction"
                                         -Jynex Sol.

Struggling

Trying to get out, need to escape.
Out the hole, which road do I take.
I feel them closing in.
If I listen to them, then they win.
Why I should I follow what they do?
They say they are there to help you.
Instead I get a knife to the back.
Life can get complicated, that's a fact.
Being around people, for me that hard.
Their words hurts just like glass shards.
But it's not everyone who is bad.
Not everyone is here to make you sad.
The negativity make me cower in fear.
Hiding myself away from the world for years.
When I feel sad, I feel like time slows down.
Instead of smile, People see a frown.
Even though I walk with straight face.
What people say upsets me, just look at the face I made.
I look in to the mirror and only see a reflection.
Can't be this all the time, I want to make a connection.
I want to connect to society.
To be expressive with my words and to be me.
No more anxiety, no more pain.
Time to stop losing at this damn game.
To take control and to look alive.
On the ground I stand, I want to aim for the sky.  

What I feel

I feel like nothing is really there.
No motivation to do anything, only my nightmares.
I would really like to do something.
Instead I let the little things bother me.
My emotions are everywhere,disturbing images in my head.
I try to sleep,ended it up falling on the bed.
Bad memories haunt me throughout the day.
Unable to speak, i really don't know what to say.
Help me Lord please, the poison makes me feel numb.
When i start to go back, it tells me that i did wrong.
I feel so upset, writing allows me to be calm.
In the end, the only thing that matters is you.
Knowing how to handle your problems and pull through.
Wanting things to go smoothly.
All these issues don't make it easy.
They surround me like a plague.
Considering my health, it seem I've lost my taste.

Having a hobby helps in a lot of ways.

Having friends who join you is also OK.

At times, you feel like you're in total control.

Don't let winning fool you, you could end in a hole.

I like to play games casually and to have fun.

To get along with everyone and not act dumb

Why does a person gets mad when they lose?

Don't take it so seriously, don't quit so soon.

It so easy for a person to give in and erupt.

It takes effort to not give up

Don't blame yourself for losing, try again.

It means a lot more when you get up and stand.

Body and Mind.

My body on earth, my mind in space.
Sometimes the world can be a dreary place.
Who am I and where am I from.
I patiently wait for answer and in time in comes.
You are whatever you decide to be.
Go out there, gain experience and be free.
Out here by myself, I feel alone.
Was it suppose to be like this all along?
Don't think like that, stand up and be strong.
Those eyes are just lies, you are you.
People say different things that causes you to be confused.
Life gets tough, it can be discouraging.
Don't fret about today, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Time is precious and yet it flies by.
We must start from the ground before we can reach the sky.

Last Day

A purpose is important helps the lost find their way.
At the sunrise, marks the beginning of a new day.
The past is a reminder of what once was.
Don't let it become your burden, accept it and give it a hug.
There are people who care, people who matter to you.
All this time there have been there, giving you advice on what to do.
When someone is trying to help you, don't turn your back.
You begin to lose everything and in the end you feel like crap.
Wondering to yourself, is this end for me?
No, its not stand tall on your own two feet.
When life gets hard, we do fall down.
Then you see the true nature :a clown.
Didn't take the obstacles seriously, thought it was joke.
Then everything vanishes like a puff of smoke.
Suddenly it's not funny anymore, now its just tears.
Tears cause by pain and overwhelm by fear.
"Make it go away" , the words utter from you mouth.
Thunder approaches, hearing a voice say " why did you doubt?".
You didn't mean for this to happen, you wanted attention.
It's not always about you, there are other things to mention.
How you were before and the friends that you had.
It's not good to be number one, you end up feeling sad.
If something good happened for a reason, don't ask why.
It's the feeling that counts, the one in your mind.
Having a balance mind works for you and others.
What goes around comes around like helping out one another.

Interpretation 2

" We are not going to change it. Our Job is to straighten out our own lives. We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that's waiting for us."

                                                                                                                            -Joseph Campbell.

We as people go through things differently in our lives. There are times in which options are limited  and we give up on ourselves. By doing that we only see one thing: "What We Want" (WWW). To correct that chaos that is there, immediately stop. Take a step back and look at what you are doing. In your mind you think  what you are doing is right. However it might be just the opposite. Planning something is often  difficult to do because of the unexpected. Like when a person passes on, it is unexpected  and you may feel lost. That feeling of loss hurts and a person tends lose all hope. That feeling of  someone being there can help to calm that person down. Life is what you make it.

One Choice.

One choice to make, one life to live.
I should have faced my problem, instead i choose to hid.
Hiding who i am from you and society.
I can see myself fading quietly.
That was then and this is now.
I can be me and be proud.
Writing my thoughts and feelings in this book.
I learned to take my time and look.
Friends will be there for laughs and support.
Filling up the room with laughter and snorts.
Facing the future what should I do.
Look at your options and then review.
A plan will form from ideas written down.
Sometimes a plan fails causing you to frown.
Its not the end yet, there is still time.
Turn things around with a comeback line.
Don't force anything, just take it slow.
Only time will tell and Only God knows.

Turning Random People into Friends

Where I am , People are so separated.
When I do try to talk, they really get agitated.
Makes me not want to talk to anyone.
I pray one day, we can be united as one.
Friendships take time to create.
They require a lot of trust and effort to make.
I want to make friends but how to start.
I never thought it would be this hard.
It will take time, that I do understand.
Not everything goes according to plan.
I dont know where God will lead me next.
Take one day at a time and time will do the rest.

Another Day

When the sun rises, I start to wake.
Thanking God for this new day.
It is very cloudy today with no signs of the sun.
Watching everyone around me laugh and have fun.
It does however make me a little sad.
I rather be myself  then let myself be mad.
I really don't know how to talk to others.
Trying to relate to one another.
Sometimes it doesn't work
It happen at times but to try at least doesn't hurt.
I am making the effort to  be social.
Gotta learn to speak up and use my vocals.
If I don't say anything then nothing will happen.
Take things into consideration, reach out and grab it.
It will only change if you decide to.
No one else know you better than you.
Do activities that you like, it really helps.
Nothing works better than you making the change for yourself.

Thoughts

To meet someone and say hey.
For some ,that could really make their day.
Not every person is bad but be careful.
Words as well as weapons can be hurtful.
To care for your fellow man like a brother.
Talking and helping out one another.
Trusting someone is like finding a job.
Very hard to find and at times it's hard.
Being there, when time gets tough.
Enough with this nonsense, I've had enough.
Letting the negativity overwhelm me.
The fire all around me consumes everything.
That is what anger does, I have to control it.
what i  have started i have to finish.
It has been a while since the last time.
Having a purpose and a reason to be alive.
I only have one life, no continues or restarts.
No matter what, I have to hold myself together and not fall apart.

What goes on in my head 2

Motivation is what I need.
Focusing on how to help me.
My emotions are all over the place.
Feeling the anxiety, my heart begins to race.
Holding my chest, I begin to fall down.
I just lay there still without making a sound.
My eyes look up but I cannot see.
I don't understand on what is going on around me.
Everything feels so strange.
No longer comfortable, nothing feels the same.
I get up and begin to walk.
I see other people but I do not talk.
If I hold it in, then I fall apart.
Going down that negative path, I don't need to start.
\Being emotionless is another way of not caring.
Being there for one another and sharing.
It's good to have friends who show their support.
To be content with what you have and nothing more.
I'm no longer look back at the past.
Back then, I should have listen and took time to ask.
My thoughts made me believe me that everyone was my enemy.
At that moment, I decided to get help and start my recovery.
Redemption is my main goal.
To climb to the top and to get out of the hole.
I don't want to stay in a room by myself forever.
I learned from experience to not push anyone ever.
I cannot save everyone, especially my friends.
We each have to face ourselves before we face the end.

Interpretation 1

When a situation looks bleak, take a look at the sky.
Sometimes I wish i could go grow wings a fly.
Running from it doesn't help.
Nothing feels better than you helping your self.
Realizing what is important, following what you feel.
You never know when help is near.
Confidence is a good trait, it brings people together.
To be able to go anywhere in any kind of weather.
An aura of positive feeling fills the room.
Like how a flower take it's time to bloom.
Giving up on those care isn't really fair.
Turning your back and disappear to who knows where.
If you need help ask it, takes a few seconds it won't hurt.
Asking someone is better than having your head in the dirt.
Life is hard and full of pressure, hold on to pull through.
Only you can help yourself, then people will respect you.

What i did in Art Therapy.

Dont do what they want. Emotion is all around us.
Sometimes, staying on course isn't necessary the best course.
Break the chain of infection that is a black hole.
Guide your life, develop your skills, and change for yourself.
Give your mind peace and look for the opportunites,
It is time to move forward, the future is now.
Make better decisions, do what you love.
Having a friendship comes in handy.
Don't get forced.
When there's something worth saying u say it.
Make the connection. Take responsibility.
Make the most of life.
Ordinary People can get things done.