Everything turns to ash.

I touch something, it ignites into flame.

Is that a sign telling me that love is impossible to gain.

Every time I turn around it is something new.

I end up talking to the wrong person instead of you. 

You are the person I want to be with.

Not falling for same old trick.

I have to wake up out of this nightmare.

Must get out and go somewhere.

Somewhere there is peace.

Somewhere I am able to sleep.

Will I be able to smile someday?

I don't know but I have to keep the faith.

I am falling through the floor.

Where is my strength? I have no more.

Body is failing me, eyes are sore.

I write about a girl that I know nothing about.

Knowing that she is there, having no doubts.

I really must get a grip and take control.

I don't all my hard work to go down the hole.

Walking down that road all by myself.

don't have much of anything else.

All I have me and my destiny.

Isn't that I all I need?

Is there Something Wrong me?

Is there something wrong with me?
If so, I need to fix this, seriously.
Yelling at myself "Aw Come On".
I touch one thing and something goes wrong.
Why am I so nice?
I am nice because I believe that it is right.
Helping people is something I like to do.
Saying something false about me, Not associating myself with you.
I want to do things that make me happy.
Hearing what you got to say, Sorry I don't feel like being crappy.
Ever think of anyone else other than yourself.
I remembering being there when you needed help.
I help people because I want to help them.
I don't want anything in return, don't need the problems.
That is why I say it doesn't matter what you think.
I will be out of your way as soon as you blink.
I have friends who I have known for a long time.
Unlike those ignorant folk, they are actually kind..
I know there is nothing wrong with me.
I know because God created us equally.
Don't make yourself sound so proud.
You may feel good but then look at you know.
Everything you known gets taken away
All that can happen in a single day.
Know what it means to be in my shoes.
Knowing the hell I had went through.
I just want to say that sorry for ever admitting how I feel.
Instead of relationship, felt more like a business deal.
The one who comes out on top gets to laugh.
The one who got screw over leaves the room and gets mad.
If that isn't true, then what did I mean to you?
Bunch of misunderstandings left me pierced through
What am I except a human being.
I make mistakes just like you, no agenda to be seen.
I have nothing to hide , I admit to what I have done.
I look up at the sky and I see then sun.
There is something to look forward and more.
Its called life and I never know what is in store.

Fighting?

Fighting?
What does that mean to me?
To not quit from my goals.
To not give up hope.
Defending my beliefs till the end.
Being there for my friends.
I can be whatever I choose to.
I want to be me and get out of this room.

Inspired By Linkin Park

Bad things happen, Got to break those habits
Taking the time to understand it.
Facing What I've done.
Is it easier to run?
No, I cannot run away.
Living in the shadow of the day.
I will stand tall, I have not given up.
I will heal and the pain will go numb.
Expressing what comes from the inside.
Remembering to be kind.
Always finding Rhymes.
Writing it all down.
Listening to the great sounds.
The band that play in my ear.
Telling me not to doubt or to fear

Feelings Inside of Me.

Concerning myself with my destiny.

What are these feelings that are inside of me?

I ask for assistance from the Lord above.

To show someone kindness and love.

My attempts at communication seem to useless.

Even when I am trying to be considerate.

I really don't know how to go about it.

Should I stay silent and keep my distance?

To not feel hurt anymore, that would make sense.

I stay away and help myself.

Sooner or later I will have to ask for help.

Is there anyone who is willing to be kind?

Kind and considerate to be willing to spend some time.

I wonder who she is, does she really exist out there ?

Am I Delusional?

To receive nothing more than just cold air.

I am always cold, I could use a little heat.

Not too much, just enough so I don't freeze.

When will the day come? I hope it does come soon.

I have been waiting a long time just to meet you.

Someone that doesn't mine sharing.

Being there for one another and always caring.

I'm content with I will find, nothing more.

That is what I seeking, and what I am fighting for.

Losing Loved Ones-Short Poem

 
At that moment, I cry and wish they were here.
Being alive for so long, all those years.
During the years experiencing both good and bad times.
When hope was low, that is when the sun began to shine.
 The graveyard exists where we bury our dead.
We give our loved ones a place for their heads.
We cried aloud and say our prayers.
In time, things will get better.

Fond Memories RE4

I remember going to Gamestop to buy a certain game.
When I played this game nothing was ever the same.
The game I bought was called Resident Evil 4.
Oh boy, if I only knew what was in store.
Starting off as Leon a U.S government agent.
Only played for a few minutes, I started ragin.
People throwing weapons at me.
Pulled out the handgun and said nigga please.
As I got to the village, I found the shotgun.
Aw yeah, Time for me to have some fun.
This guy with a chainsaw swinging for my neck.
After 5 shells, I'm yelling at the t.v. what the heck.
It is hard searching for the president's daughter.
 All these Ganados , Del Lago in the water.
 Can't stop playing, this game is too good.
Guy with a rocket launcher; I wish you would.
Find myself a sniper now I can start camping.
All these freaking Ganados. time for plan B.
I pull out the TMP on all these wanna-be zombies.
Just in time I find Ashley.
She is helpful but can be a problem.
Calling my name she attracts them.
I tell her ass to wait and go hide.
Throwing all these grenades ,for them it's a surprise.
Running around in this castle, kinda getting bored.
I am face with this motherfucker know as the Garrador.
In this game, he doesn't need to see.
If I run and he comes at me like wolverine.
Gotta heal and and hid somewhere.
In the garden now, running up and down the stairs.
Until I run to Ada, she can be a bit flashy.
Meeting her in a bedroom, Leon never gets lucky.
Stupid ass Salazar and his cheap ass right-hand man
Can't stop me with this rocket launcher in my hand.
I lost Ashley because of some damn bugs.
This game isn't forgiving I need a hug.
I need to rescue Ashley, can't finish the game without her.
Here on the island, I run into an old friend name Krauser
Fast as hell and on top of that has a damn claw.
For that thing I need a freaking saw.
At least I beat him but I gotta run.
The bomb goes off, yea he's done.
Final Battle with the Boss.
Motherfucker got six arms.
He can take a shitload of hits.
I run out of ammo, Ah Shit.
Ada decides to be helpful by giving me the launcher.
It automatically kills him, yea motherfucker.
I beat the game but Ada of course ditches me.
Escaping an exploding Island on a freakin jet-ski.
Unlike Ada, Ashley isnt't shy.
Leon turns her down but is happy to see the blue sky.

A Lesson

Do I really let things get to me?
Is that why I don't know my destiny?
Ignorant to know what my purpose is.
Do I need to ask someone; why I did this?
Wow reality, It hit me hard.
Hard enough but not to fall apart.
 Listening to the voices that give me hope.
I write these poems to help me cope
Dealing with disease know as depression.
Depression is the result of one harsh lesson.
I got too comfortable where I was at.
I went from being happy to having panic attacks.
Got to wake up and smell the coffee.
I can't be no one else but me.
Got to wake up and live my life.
Dealing with hard work and sacrifice.
That is what I have to do.
Learning this lesson is the only way to pull through.

Sorry is not for every Occasion

I hate myself at times because I repeat mistakes.
Even when I think its over, there's another one I made.
Even as a child this word has stuck to me.
I can't say anymore, it drives me crazy.
Please just bury me in the rubble.
I can't just say it to get myself out of trouble.

I didn't mean for people to get upset.
I make a friend one second and lose them the next.
Not really a good day for me overall.
The thought of this word causes me to fall.
It causes me to lose myself and people around me.
I don't know what else I can do that will allow them to see.
Lord I need your almighty help.
Help me to correct myself.
That word has a better use.
Only use it when you have to.
If I messed up really bad or forgot something.
That is when I'll say I'm sorry.

Fall to ground to Stand up

From the sky I am falling to ground.
In my head, my thoughts swirl around.
I am thinking, will I survive?
I don't want to die.
Thinking of my friends and family.
I don't want them to think of me badly.
How did I end up in this mess?
Giving in to the stress.
Not talking to anyone about anything.
Keeping quiet because no one is understanding.
Everyone is busy.
Does anyone miss me?
I miss them, wanting to see the others.
Whatever happen to being there for one another.
I guess that is when I decided to jump.
So deep in the depression and not having any fun.
Life isn't always fun, I do have to work as well.
Throwing everything away leads to hell.
At last moment I hear a voice.
Telling me not to quit and that I have a choice.
I need to hold on to that.
Don't need to go back.
Nothing is there except cold air.
Gives me the chills whenever I go near.
Feeding off my fear
It Makes me go numb.
Listening to the ignorance is dumb.
Experiencing pain to become strong.
I know these bad experiences will not last long.
Understanding someone before talking at all.
Yes, I have fallen but now I stand tall.

The Little Hope

Why am I stuck in this loop.
Waking up with a bad headache in my room.
Is this my fault that this keeps happening?
Does this have some significant meaning?
Going out with no destination.
Takes me back to my room playing play station.
An endless loop with no way out.
It must be due to fear and doubt.
Doubt that I will not go far in life.
Fearing that things will not go right.
These two hold me back.
They are the main causes to my panic attacks.
Reasons why I can't sleep at night.
Nightmares swarm in as soon as I close my eyes.
All this pain, I feel like my hope has died.
What should I do?
Can I at least pull through?
One day where I am not going through this.
Enough with the pointless arguments.
I know what I did wrong.
I wasn't able to hold on.
Losing something I cared for.
Felt useless as it walked out the door.
I can't think straight when I am walking.
Living in the silence and not really talking.
Blaming myself.
Calling out and asking for help.
Is someone there, please let there be.
Someone who can see me crying.
I long for someone who cares.
Not judging me and is actually there.
Billion of people in the world today.
I pray for the one that will come my way.
Taking the time for them as they would for me.
To be together with her, no longer lonely.

Cleaning Up

Cleaning up seems to calm me down.
Even though I am done, I find myself with a frown.
There is nobody there.
I open the door and feel a breeze of cold air.
I slam that door and go back to room.
Christmas just passed, I still don't know what to do.
Lately A lot has been on my mind.
Been having headaches and black outs most of the time.
I should see a doctor and find out what is going on.
I shouldn't fear what out there, I have to be strong.
Going on and on about what I could have done.
No time for that, Take the time to have fun.
Friends who call to see if I'm alright.
Really wish I could sleep at night.
The year is over in about 5 days.
Praying for a miracle today.
I can't fall victim to this.
The devil's work known as depression.
It tells me I will fail at life.
Tempting me to go pick up a knife.
Barely escaping that horrible fate.
I know that I am not a mistake.
All I need to do is have faith.
God is there guiding me through the decision I will make.
Extending his hands.
In the end, I hope to understand.
What is my purpose here on Earth?

Becoming A Better Man

I don't know why I can't sleep.
I don't have a desire to eat.
Looking up at the ceiling, a memory appears.
Looking back at the last 3 years.
I felt a lot happier back then.
 I found myself and a crew of friends.
One by One I've lost these things.
I feel now as if I have nothing.
I made some bad decisions that led me to this point.
The pains hurts like I just broke a joint.
It's that time again. Yes it's Christmas
I wish I didn't feel so depressed.
Thinking about stuff that makes me feel happy.
Holding on to those thoughts, I don't feel crappy.
If that feeling could last longer that one day.
 To be able to feel good and saying hey.
To all the people around me.
That would be a good thing.
The answer lies in prayer, That I understand.
Praying for me to become a better man.

Sad On Christmas Eve

Today is Christmas's Eve.
I worked earlier and then I fell asleep.
I couldn't sleep at all had weird dreams.
Racking my brain, trying to figure out what it means.
I wake up to a loud noise.
Just someone tripping over some toys.
I wonder how everyone else is doing now.
I want to talk to them and I don't know how.
Around the holidays I tend to get really depressed.
I don't what causes me to be so stressed.
Due to the circumstances, it makes sense this year.
I didn't have faith and instead cowered in fear.
How can I accept what I've done?
How can I walk out the door to have fun?
I am responsible for my own actions.
Haunts me still, Why can't I get over this?
Struggling just to put a  smile on my face.
Holding myself so I don't lose my place.
At the end of the day coming back here to the room.
Memories of Me and You.
Now I have to go forward all by myself.
I dealt with enough pain, don't need anything else.
Hopefully this doesn't last much longer.
From this experience, I want to get stronger.

Communicating with the Outside.

Depression in a way is like a curse.
The more I hold it in, it gets worse
At times, When I need someone to talk with.
What I here the most is, I have to take care of this.
I understand people are busy, so am I.
Out of the entire day, could at least call one time.
It wouldnt hurt to, I am not forcing you.
It wouldn't hurt to for you to come through.
Communication is the key. that is what I believe.
I am here to be honest, not to decieve.
I don't text much, I would rather call.
Call to see if you are ok, that's all.
Each day something something new comes around.
Hearing the phone ring once would be an interesting sound.
I would like to know if there is someone special out there for me.
For now, I have to wait patiently.

Semester Ends.

Here is the end of the school semester.
It's a day that ended like no other.
Spent the day talking to people about games.
Today I my mood just seemed to change.
Keeping hope alive is the only way to go.
Being kind to others really does show.
I wish I could spent more time with them.
That is usually how it is in the end.
I understand, that this semester was hard.
Struggling to stand strong and not fall apart.
Today was clear and sunny day.
"In the end the sun always shines" what I usually say.
Glad that I was able to make new friends.
Talking with them and doing what I can.
Thank you Lord for doing all of the this.
Finding that special someone is my fondest wish.
It will come in the time ahead.
I will understand patience and not lose my head.

Will I be Allright Someday?

Am I allright?
This is a question that people should ask themselves?

When I do something wrong, I feel it.
What I can do to except to fix this.
The stuff that has happened in my life.
I am older now, but still I am not allright.
What should I do?
God, I need you
In these hard times, it is rough.
Can't let the stares get me down. Enough is Enough.
What is it about me that you have to stare.
I am different though, I actually care.
What you say to me doesn't matter.
Saying all that about me is useless chatter.
I wish I didn't feel this way.
Completely ruins the day.
Wish there was someone to talk on outside.
Who wouldn't mind spending some time.'
Is it possible for it happen to me.
Continually following my destiny.
I am alone now, but I know this won't last forever.
It hurts now, not having that special person.
Not talking about it, the pain just worsens.
How much longer will it be before I am allright.
How much longer before I can sleep at night.
Feeling exhausted like I just fought.
Having nightmares and distrubing thoughts.
When will it stop? I just want to be me again.
I want to be Jin...

A Little Rhyme

When I all I have is to rhyme.
Why does it seem like I run out of time.
Trying to the right thing, I always seem to fail at it.
Man it still early and already I feel like shit.
I'm not going to say life isn't fair.
Shit happens, here and there.
I will say that I will do better for the times ahead.
Replacing the doubt with faith instead.
Keeping it together, tight like a rope.
Holding on to that something that gives me hope.
Being able to walk outside and not have any fear.
Why should I when God is near.

Another Day At School.

As I wake, I can't remember anything.
My head aches really bad this morning.
Heading to the bathroom to take aspirin.
Got this final today, I know that I can win.
I am walking to school, I feel so hungry
I really want to get an Angus with cheese.
To early for that, instead I'll take some hot cakes.
Taste so good with each bite I take.
Finally get here to school.
It feel so gloomy here, nothing to do.
I brought my computer so I could do some writing.
Better than sitting here doing absolutely nothing.
I don't why but why is school so hard.
Not the work but everyone is spread apart.
Does anyone care?
Can you do anything else beside stare?
I just can't sit there and look at screen.
I rather sit by a window and daydream.
Anyway, head to the library to work on a poem.
It's gets too noisy, pick up my back and my phone.
Leaving that place, damn it where to go.
Heading to taco bell, get me some tacos.
Why the line so damn long.
People come out the house looking so wrong.
Instead of being quiet, I should have something to say.
Honestly at the college, it just another day.

I Dream of Love.

Laying on a bed, getting some rest.
I had a dream about someone that I met.
Coming to me, I knew it had to be a dream.
Even still I wonder, what does it all mean?
Is there someone out there?
Someone who is willing to care.
My mind does take me very far.
Even though life is at times hard.
I like to think about good that can happen.
Me and that person just laughing.
I wish I knew what they look like.
I guess when it happens, it will be a suprise.
Considering her feelings and she considers mine.
I will love her for all time.
That is the kind of person I am.
Willing to listen and able to understand.
Sticking with her until the end.
Meeting her is a mystery, who knows when.
I pray it happens on a sunny day.
When my mind is right and I know my way.
Following the road that leads to her heart.
She is light that shines in the dark.
Right now, I can only dream about this.
When the time comes, I want to be sure about it.

Will I be OK?

I want to go home, really I do.
Feeling bad, not doing well in school.
The one class that I really want to pass.
Damn it, stupid math class.
Once again I withdraw from it.
How should deal with this?
In the computer lab and just writing.
To escape the pain I am hiding.
I feel ashamed at the fact the I failed.
Can't just live it up and say oh well.
This is college, I have to consider that.
I have to get myself straighten out, that's a fact.
Holding in this much pain really hurts.
How else can I carry on to do my work?
I have to be able to concentrate.
Concentrating on life and not my mistakes.
A lot is going in my mind.
The pain will eventually go away with time.
All I have to do is hold on really tight.
Not to lose hope and continue to write.
In the end will I be allright?

Dealing With Failure.

Right now, I am disappointed in myself.
All that time waste, I could of had help.
Getting mad and upset at past things.
Failure is the result of what it brings.
Can't really blame anyone else for what I've done.
It's not like I was outside having fun.
There were days where I wanted to hide.
Staying in that damn room and never went outside.
What is about me that is so bad.
Honestly I am really tired being sad.
Having no one to talk with and just holding it in.
At this rate, I am losing and the devil is about to win.
I can't let that happen, so what do I do?
A smile or someone to talk to.
Those things right there make my day.
I feel so much better, when I know what to say.
Sorry Old snake, you got to go.
Crawl back into that bottomless hole.
I have a life, a life that isn't yours.
I'm helping myself and I want to help others more.
I am done with listening to dumb-asses.
It's not the end,  I still have to pass my classes.
Just really want to know what the problem is.
There are more important things to be concerned with.
The Future is approaching me at a fast rate.
Can't always get mad and dwell on my mistakes.

Confused about what to say.

A difficult choice lies before me.
How do I know what I am feeling.
To feel so strongly for someone.
Not knowing what to say, I act dumb.
Man, I could be really stupid at times.
Trying to attract someone with a cheesy line.
Maybe I wouldn't be this bad if I was ok.
I should back off, try again another day.
Writing about it in my notebook.
After reading what I wrote, I gave it another look.
I should not come out so strongly about it.
Taking the time to be considerate.
I respect her because it is the right thing.
When is the right time to express my feelings?
Maybe later or just not all.
Fearing that she will say no, I tumble and fall.
When I fall down, I will rise up with my feet.
I know I am not perfect, at least I am neat.
Respecting those around me that care.
Who actually talk to me and not stare.

A small poem: SHM/ RIP Little Children.

Hearing about these children, It really hurts.

I know their parents pain must be worse.

What would posses someone to do this.

Killing kids was not worth it.

I feel sorry for the children's families.

One day I hope they can find peace.

Live life to the fullest and have no regrets.

I will continue write my very best.

All these poems come from the heart.

They are what keeps me from falling apart.

I am able to write about a lot of different things.

I don't know what the next idea will bring.

As I am writing, I am searching for someone.

For now I will continue, until that day comes.

Hard to Smile.

For me, I realize it is hard to smile.

Something that I haven't done in a while.

At times when stuff happens, I blame myself.

Feeling really down, I ask someone for help.

Please tell me what can I do?

"The answer lies within you."

I rack my brain trying to figure that out.

Not getting anywhere, I start to have doubts.

I wonder is there any hope for someone like me.

I have said some mean things that i didn't mean.

Blaming myself for the loss of some friends.

Ready to jump because no one understands.

Thinking really hard,I say "let me not end my life."

Can't no longer hold back, I start to cry.

As the tears roll down the side of my face.

I walk away leaving behind that terrible place.

Walking to that grassy field over there.

I see an airplane flying through the air.

I don't always have to be down.

I know that time is short and won't always be around.

Time to start looking up and feeling better.

Looking forward to the good weather.

My heart tells that I should go back home.

I take my walking stick and begin to roam.

When I finally get there, I finally understand.

I can't save everyone but, I will do what I can.

Got to Go.

Wanting to go outside but I feel weak.
Not eating much, can't get any sleep.
Being stuck in this room is whack.
The plus side is I have plenty of snacks.
I ain't no bear ,but I do plenty of hibernating.
My pain feels worse at times, Am I fading?
I don't complain nor do I ask for much.
Listening to rock and saying I don't give a f**k.
When I eat, I like to make bake beans and rice.
That right there can keep me full all night.
People tell me that I need to change.
My mind is broken, nothing feels the same.
Friends have lives and I have mine.
Keeping my focus up, I walk down this straight line.
Who know who will I bump into along the way.
Today might feel bad, but tomorrow is another day.
I thank God for being alive right now.
He inspires me to good, even if I don't know how.
At times I feel like I am a monster.
That is just crazy talk, I am like the others.
Normal and just another human being.
What I like to do has a lot meaning.
It means a lot to me and that is a good thing.
My feelings expressed into poetry.
I have to continue.
Straight towards the goal.
To go into the world and out of the hole.

Lost in Thoughts

As a little kid, I remember having a red wagon.
I used to carry my toys and snacks on it.
I am always eating some kind of snack.
Whether it's healthy or a chip bag.
Back then having all those little toys.
My grandmother always calling me boy.
I really dislike that name.
Even now it still remains the same.
But that is just how my family is.
Wondering how they're doing?
Even though I have a phone, it never stays on.
I can't pay the bill and the minutes are gone.
I need to be stable with my life and everything else.
God, I could really use your help.
Help me from this everlasting depression.
I am not one of those people looking for attention.
A goal to help people with my own hands.
To have friends and someone who understands.
I get lost in my thoughts at times.
Trying to figure a word that rhymes.
This is my style of writing poetry.
I Write each day to express my feelings.

Feeling Blue-Literally

What makes me different from everyone in the room?
Facing everyone, I begin to talk about the color blue.
Blue is the color that is seen in the sky.
It can also be the color of someone's eyes.
Why is do I like blue. It's my favorite color.
I prefer it from all the others.
Yet, it can be describe a person's mood.
Not wanting to do anything or eat any food.
I take the time to sit and think.
My throat gets dry, I need something to drink.
Going to the fridge and picking out the blue mountain dew.
Drinking it and then returning to my room.
Starting to get an idea about a poem.
Telling my story on why do I roam.
As I roam in search of my destiny.
I should take life less seriously.
It's not good to always feel that way.
Feeling blue just ruins the day.
I enjoy seeing that color when I am outside.
Hearing the sound of the airplane passing by.
You know goes well with blue, the sun.
Sitting in the sky, and its the only one.
That is what makes that color unique.
Blue is the color that relates to me.

Walking Around.

As I walk around the school.
Walking around with no one to talk to .
Everyone's eyes glued to that little screen.
I mean what ever happened to just talking.
Is it a crime to just take a look.
Fuck the nook
If I want to read, I'll get a book.
Its all about technology these days.
Where is the technology that tells me what to say.
Can you be friends with an I pod or p.c?
Man, do I miss the 90's.
A simpler time, full of imagination.
Back then, I got the attention.
Now I am just ignored.
People want to talk to me when they're bored.
Hate when that happens, It really sucks.
Does it really take much?
Being able to talk to someone.
Anyone.
It's not just here.
I don't being viewed as weird.
Why should I act differently?  I don't want to change.
So what if I'm into rock music and video games.
That is who I am.
Honestly, is there someone that can understand ?
I am normal. I am a human being.
It doesn't matter what you think.

The Way Forward.

To let go, at times it can really hard.

What had happened, and how it fell apart.

I look around, saying what do I do.

The way is blocked, have to find another way through.

Demons and distractions can distract me from my goal.

I will not listen to them, I have to fulfill my role.

I know what I have to do, but how to begin.

Not finishing what i have started, that would be a sin.

Looking out for those who are important to me.

Meeting them was a just a part in finding my destiny.

They are important to me, but I have to help myself.

At times when it gets bad, I don't wIant to involve no one else.

Life gets harder

Enemies get smarter.

Even so after everything that has happened,  I continue on.

God smiles from above telling me that hope isn't gone.

He leads me in the path that I should go.

I thank him for what I know.

Peaceful Mind

I believe one day that I will have peace.
Having faith in God allows me to see.
He is a guide, showing me the path to destiny.
I am only a man, a man who considers feelings.
Being someone who thinks of helping others.
Like a son who is there for his mother.
She lies on the bed, he gives her a cover.
Knowing that is good to help out one another.
Going to school, learning something new each day.
Before I leave here I have something to say.
Thank you Lord for showing me way.
I know that you are there for me always.
Helping me when I fall to the ground.
Listening to that heavenly sound.
There are people who care that are around.
Telling me there is no reason to look down.
A reason to feel happy and to overcome fear.
Knowing that God is near.
Telling that I am suppose to be here.
I have been alive on earth for 24 years.
Even so, I am know I am not alone.
It's too soon to think that hope is gone.
The earth is big, too big to roam.
Thank God for giving me a cellphone.
If I have to defend someone, I'll fight.
It is a good thing that I like to write.
Through the window, the sun is really bright.
It was good day today, here comes the night.
As I think of memories, ah good times.
Waiting for that special person, that's fine.
Sometimes it is hard to think of a rhyme.
Putting it altogether makes up a line.
Who knows I could be wrong.
Man this poem is really long.
Adding some music, it could be a song.
Having confidence in myself , I feel strong.

Going Far to Love Someone.

Going far to love someone, is it worth it?
I believe so, life does involve taking risks.
A nice smile and kind words.
Those two allow me to rise from the dirt.
It is nice to have someone care for you in that way.
Just hearing their voice asking if i'm OK.
I hope I can meet someone some day.
Don't know what the next day will bring.
I hope the sun is shining while the nature chorus sings.
In the cold, I will keep your hands warm.
When it's hot I will keep you cool.
You are like the fair weather that keeps me calm.
God is a guide and he led me right to you.
Showing you the real me, flaws and all.
Having too much pride is a guaranteed fall.
I am only a man, giving you my love.
Where it comes from is from the Lord above.
He create me and gave me a reason to live.
Showing me all the good things that I did.
I pray that there is someone who accepts me.
For what I am, and not for materialist things.
Even so, it is good to have faith.
I know it will be one day so I will wait.
Having patience means that it will last.
I have changed, I am not the same guy from the past.

Going Forward.

Today is a new day, the sun is shining.
Writing the truth, no point in lying.
Thanking God for this day.
I will not remain quiet, I have plenty to say.
All alone, feeling upset and depressed.
All those random thoughts popping up in my head.
At times I really didn't know what to do.
Looking really lost trying to find my shoe.
I have to calm down, focus my mind.
I am not all bad, I'm considerate and kind.
Going forward and not looking back.
If I am going somewhere, let me take plenty of snacks.
I would like to be balanced and aware.
When the storm comes, I will not be scared.
Instead I will help as many as I can.
People should take the time to understand.
I am not a bad person, I do make mistakes.
Realizing that there is some good to be made.
Putting my foot down and taking control of my life.
Going forward one day at time.

What Am I ?

Sometimes I wonder Why do I even exist.
To be honest I am tired with dealing with this.
Making an effort to express my feelings.
Being judged and people don't want to be near me.
At times I go quiet and just fade away.
Days go by, I pray for a good day.
I pray for the day for someone who doesn't run.
It won't be cloudy, it is time for the sun.
All these clouds and rain.
 the past is behind me, nothing is the same.
I thought I had overcame my past.
Looking at it in the face, just makes me mad.
All it does is remind me of what I have done.
Why am I sad, while you can have fun.
All that I've done, is that all you can think about?
Having self-control, I see no reason to shout.
I am very different from you.
I am not holding a grudge, it's just not cool.
Just because i am quiet doesn't make me weak.
I stand tall as a leader and use my voice to speak.

Different Thinking lead to Different Outcomes.

At times I think people who think differently should go their separate ways.
You can't force an idea into someone else head or tell them what to say
I know it hurts when a person doesn't want to be around you anymore.
Hard as is it, I had to walk through that door.
Have no idea where to go, wanting to roam.
Roaming because I feel alone.
What is your advice in that situation is there anything at all.
How does one benefit from taking a fall.
You cast me aside to help yourself get better, not very thoughtful.
Even still I haven't changed at all, actually trying to be helpful.
I have been cast aside, but I am not like you.
Seeing if you're OK, even if it's not something that you do.
Is that good thing, maybe not.
I care. is it a crime? If so then let me rot.
Not everyone has a person that they could talk with.
Lending my hand to everyone I can, I have no limit.
I don't like traitors at all, waiting and scheming.
I thought we were cool, why would you do that to me.
Plotting my downfall while I was sitting with them.
If  there was a moment, to calm down and to think.
To let the boat sail and not let it sink.
Life could be a bit easier.
It's not though but i guess I can catch a breather.
Every once in a while.
So freaking hard to smile.
While all this bad is just popping up everywhere.
At least God is there to care.
Not to ditch me, or to make up some reason.
Everything has a purpose and a meaning.
Like the road to one's destiny.
Who knows where I will end up.
Letting my anger get to me is dumb.
I am stronger than that.
Helping people, I take it to the max.
Like a mountain, It takes time to climb.
I don't have to be in the dark forever. In the end the sun will shine.

Feeling Good on a different day.

Today is a diffrent day, I feel good.
The past is behind me like it should.
Thanking God for the friends I have.
It actually feels good to able to laugh.
I don't need the negativity.
All it does it just give me anxiety.
Another trip to the hospital that I don't need.
Taking it slow, Feeling content with being me.
School is almost done.
Can't celebrate yet, I haven't won.
Knowing that the end is always hard.
Faith is my calling card.
Helping me to believe in myself.
Doing my own thing and knowing when to ask for help.
I am not a burden or a plague.
I walk around with a smile on my face.
Knowing that you can't take that away.
I don't need a person who declares judgement.
Unless it's God, Not looking for punishment.
I had up to here with people's misunderstandings.
Can't agree with what you are saying.
Do you even know who Iam.
What I've been through, Can you understand.?
I am not the only one in the world with problems.
I am taking the time to solve them.
Praying that I will achieve my goals.
I am going to stick with what I know.
That is the way I've been since the start.
Holding myself to not break apart.
It took me a while to get here.
I choose kindness and consideration over fear.

And I thought I was Bad_wtf

I look around, I see a sea of beauty.
I walk towards it and it flees from me.
Why does happen majority of the time.
Is there something about me, but I'm kind.
Kind to females and willing to listen.
I don't have some kind of hidden intention.
I want to be friends but they run away.
Man, it sucks at time, ruins my day.
There ain't no point in looking around.
I hear how these other guys sound.
Lusting with the look in their eyes.
I don't understand how women can be with these guys.
Will I be alone, Yea mostly for a while.
Where is there a girl who can make me smile.
Done with all that looking.
Taking my chances with God, he knows what I am feeling.
I was told I was selfless about my actions towards others.
Helping out one another.
That is my goal in life.
One day, I will have a house,children and a loving wife.
Another goal I aim to reach.
I am here to listen and God is here to teach.

What I am Suppose To do ?

I am sinking fast, gasping for air.
Sinking to the bottom, is anyone there.
Two months have gone by, still can't sleep.
No desire to do anything, not even eat.
It's like I am slowly killing myself as the days go by.
I don't know what is going on inside my head.
Those dreamless nights keep me from feeling refreshed.
I tell myself, I have to accept it and be strong.
For a moment I feel like myself, then it's all gone.
The question that I ask myself each day, Why I am here.
Why are people afraid when they see me get near.
What am I doing that pushes them away.
I keep my silence, Literally the whole day.
Not talking doesn't banish those thoughts.
I am not treating myself like a victim, I know what I did wrong.
Going to school or going out.
I have to pass that house.
Do I want to? No, I wish it didn't exist.
I walk past it like it doesn't bother me at all.
Honestly, who do I even call.
I am emotional, I can't deny that.
However, It's not worth another panic attack.
I really wish I knew what to do.
I don't know if I can make it through.
It is really hard holding myself together.
Fear surrounds me,getting scared of the others.
How am I suppose to move forward?
Sitting in this room will not get me any closer.

Looking up and not Giving up

At night time if it is clear out, I can see stars.
Even though they are small, their reach is really far.
I've wondered at times, what does being up there feel like.
It's like taking a rocket to the moon to take a hike.
That may sound silly but then again, It's me writing.
Writing is my cure.
When I write I sound pretty sure.
Don't want to write about the bad.
Thinking about only gets me sad.
Where are the memories that allows me to laugh.
I wish my memory was useful in math.
All those numbers and formulas, sounds so complex.
Driving my brain insane, a real pain in the neck.
I need to get to the IT stuff.
School isn't easy, at times it can get rough.
Not giving up hope and have plenty of patience.
I know by not giving up, I will make it.
Getting all the important stuff done.
At long last, the victory is won.

There is Still time.

I am so jittery right now, why am I so nervous?
Trying to keep calm but I feel so anxious.
Messing up a lot  and embarrassing my self.
I wish I could just fade away till nothing is left.
In math, I do not know what to do next.
God, I ask can you hear you me now.
Rebuke it Lord, all this fear and doubt.
I know that it will be ok, I'm beginning to understand.
It was you put the pen in my hand.
Giving me the ability to write.
Writing a few that take up the entire night.
After all that I am stuck on writer's block.
Writing like a fiend, man I gotta know when to stop.
School is important, too important to fail.
Don't want to get an F in the mail.
I know now what I must do.
Get off my ass and do well in school.
Life is too short and I can't always feel down.
It is cloudy now but,
The sun always seems to come around.
That is what I look forward to.
Doing something new.
Expanding what I know.
Telling the devil No!
There is somewhere I would rather go.
Back Home to the country.
Sunny, warm, and plenty to eat.
I am not going to change or aiming to please.
There is nothing wrong with me.
Words and actions can make me feel hurt.
Pretend to care only makes it worse.
I stand tall, no one is my crutch.
Depending on people like that is messed up.
As life goes on so shall I.
Time to wake up and see the world with my own eyes.

End of Year, Realizing What is important.

I like to say that this year has taught me something.
Take nothing for granted, you'll never what time will bring.
As the year come to a close, I only have one request.
To get better before deciding what to do next.
I am glad to have come back to school.
Instead of doing nothing, I used my resources as tool.
Learning about things I didn't know before.
The next step happens as soon as I open the door.
Meeting People and getting the chance to socialize.
Sticking with real people who don't bother to lie.
A lot people here though don't seem to care.
As I walk by, why is it that they look up and stare?
I just breeze past them like a silent wind.
I am what I am, My name is Jin.
Although that is something I just call myself.
I stuck with that name and offered my help.
To people out there, I know it is hard.
Losing everything, breaking down and falling apart.
In the end, The sun will always shine.
Where there is bad, there are also good times.

Writing about Love.

Hoping to meet someone special in my life.
Someone I can talk to during the night.
Being patient about it, looking for her.
I would not trade one for the other.
She is not mine to keep all to myself.
She isn't just trophy lying on a shelf.
Considering her important and she does the same.
One thing is clear, I'm not here for games.
A person is unique in their own kind of way.
That one person can just brighten up the day.
Writing about love and at times I feel alone.
Depression smothers me and hope is gone.
If I have problem, I am going to solve them.
To change from the way I was back then.
I will show you myself, no tricks just me.
Looking at you and stunned by your beauty.
I look away fast, feeling shy.
Forgot what I was going to say, Oh why?
I ask myself," What is wrong"
In time I guess, I will be strong.
Faith is what holds me together.
Any time, any place, in any kind of weather.

Love is something worth waiting for.

I asked myself " What does love mean to me?"
I thought about it and said consideration for one's feelings.
It in involves knowing a person and trusting them as well.
Without these key elements, It could turn into hell.
Bringing up past events will only keep her away.
It is things like that can ruin a beautiful day.
Walking inside and seeing her smile.
Sitting with her enjoying the view for a while.
These things I hope that can happen later in life.
Meeting someone special and hopefully ask her to be my wife.
I will not rush or hide who I am.
Being content with myself, to listen and understand.
Learning from mistakes proves to be helpful.
I know I am not perfect but I am grateful.
God has brought me here to you.
With his Guidance, he has shown me what to do.
Loving you as a whole and not just one particular part.
God created us and you are a wonderful work of art.
When I write, Love turns into a rhyme.
Honestly I would just write about her all the time.
She makes me feel a certain way and I can't shake it.
Meeting her on that day, I wasn't mistaken.
Until that day comes, I will continue to have hope.
Faith for the future, Writing helps me to cope.
I don't believe that I will always be alone.
There is hope until God calls me home.

Calling the Shots

I got a cellphone but not many people call.
Is there anyone willing to at all.
I look at my contacts and then I hesitate.
Closing the phone up, not knowing what to say.
People around me tell me at least you are free.
They can say that but they are not me.
How can I be free and yet feel so empty.
That void that refuses to close.
Collapsing on myself, becoming a Ghost.
Wanting the pain to stop.
Terrible memories are stubborn as rocks.
Sometimes I write and other times I cry.
Seeing myself losing and about to die.
I know that time will come.
As far as problems go, I am not the only one.
Only God knows when.
Until that Time, for me it is not the end.
Friends are the gifts that God sends.
To allow my broken mind to mend.
I am going around and getting upset over what.
I lost someone I care about, wanted to give up
Telling myself, doing that is not really worth it.
Picking myself up. I have taken enough hits.
Wanting good times with people to spend it with.
Who knows, maybe my life might take a little spin.
I have to have faith in 3 things.
God, myself and whatever the future brings.
Still I have hope to meet that special person one day.
For now I, will write poems and continue to pray.

Going to School.

Walking down the street comes this guy.
He is respected where he lives and always hi.
Going around he reaches the bus stop.
He is relieve to catch the bus, Thank God.
On his way to school, its going to be a busy day.
I know this day will be good is what I say.
Got a test in my computer class.
I think I am doing fine in everything except math.
The teacher doesn't really explain it all.
 The work looks like hieroglyphs on a wall.
Last class of the day and it Spanish.
Learning and understanding, I am almost finished.
I am glad that God has help me understand.
Even when I am not all home, I am what I am.

Little Poem about the future.

Dreaming about the future, who know what it could be.
It like a christmas present and I am not allow to peek.
Just realize that it is coming soon.
I hope I have other plans than to stay in my room.
I been doing that for like the past 3 months.
It's like being on ship that is has began to sunk.
Having a plan on what to do, help to prepare.
Preparing myself before going out there.
I am looking at myself in the mirror.
Asking myself could I be any clearer.
I will not change because people want me to.
Staying who I am is the right thing to do.

Chapter 3: The temple in the Hills

Previously...

A traveler from a far away land. A strange red-eyed creature that shares a bond with the traveler. A enemy who seeks revenge. What does it all mean? Hmm Well let the story continue.

Deep in the middle of the forest is a temple that is nested high on a hilltop. The monk and his apprentice help the young man Jin to recover. After a few days on resting and bitter medication Jin awakes to the sound of a waterfall. "Good morning" says the monk How are you feeling young man. Jin holds his head and says I feel wobbly. The monk laughs heartily and tells him just the medicine taking effect. His apprentice gives the hungry traveler some food which he gladly accepts. Jin shows his thanks toward to monk and tell him that he is Jin, a warrior from Zera. The monk tells Jin that he is the Master of the temple and that he and his apprentice was waiting for someone when they found him. Jin wonders who were they waiting for but he decides not to ask. The master monk then asked "what was he doing out there in the wastelands?"

Jin explain that he was investigating the egg that fell from the sky and that when got there he found the red-eyed creature. After he found Red-Eyes, He wander down the mountain but was followed by a knight known as Dark Blade. The Master tells Jin that he has heard stories about the knight and that he possesses the power to manipulate dragons. Suddenly Jin panics and askes the Master if has seen Red-Eyes? He replies no and Jin frantically searches the temple for it. He shouts at the sky and blames himself for losing Red-Eyes.

The winds picks up and a girl on top of giant bird appears as to answer the call. Jin shouts at the girl demanding to know who she is. The wind hits Jin hard as he blows far only for the Master to save him from falling to his death. My My says Master Monk, that is no way to treat a guest. The girl bows to master and that she only attack him to defend herself. I am Caam says the girl and I've come to seek your assistance Master Monk.

Chapter 2: A new enemy appears

Previously...
An egg falls from the sky. What does it mean? Falls where the lava flows heavily. There it will stay until a curious traveler who wanders off into the volcanic region. There he finds an egg nested in the midst of the fiery ocean. He comes face to face with the guardian only to be saved by a mysterious light. He is accompanied by a strange creature that seems to have bonded with the traveler. The traveler makes his way down the mountain to seeks answers.

It near sunset at the base of the mountain the traveler is being followed by the strange creature. Confused, the traveler tries to communicate with the creature but the creature just stares back with its' red-eyes.
So they continue to walk until they come across a well. Thirsty, the traveler takes the bucket and fills up  water and drinks until he can't drink anymore. He then notices that creature is nudging at his leg. So the traveler decides to give the creature some water thinking that it might by thirsty as well. It enjoys the water and the traveler smiles at it. He names the creature "Red-Eyes" because of the fierce gaze it gives.

Their moment of peace is cut short by the sound of approaching footsteps. Turning around with his sword, the traveler blocks the enemy's deadly blow. "So it's you" says the traveler. The enemy gets up and reveals himself. I am Dark Blade,

I been looking for you Jin, the warrior from Zera. So much for low profile says Jin and decides to attack Dark Blade. Dark blade parries the blow easily and knocks the sword away. Foolish to attack me head on, you are not ready to challenge me yet" says Dark Blade. As Dark Blade proceeds to finish off Jin,

A blast of tremendous energy hits Dark Blade in the back. Jin weakly lifts up his head and sees a large black shadow . Not taking any chances, Dark Blade vanishes without a trace seeking revenge on the warrior of zera. Due to exhaustion from the battle Jin passes out.

As the traveler lays on the ground, a monk and his apprentice are passing through when they see the body. Quickly they take Jin back with them to their temple to help him recover.

Chapter One: The Dragon Egg.

Once a upon a time  a dragon egg fell out of the sky. It landed in a volcanic region where it lay dormant. At the same time a curious traveler decides to investigate the mystery of the egg. As carefully as he walks he notices that ground in this region is very unstable. At first he begins to regret this seeing all the lava around him. Gathering his courage he continues his journey to find the egg. At last he comes to a crater where the egg is nesting surrounded by fiery ocean of lava. He finds this to be an impossible task and begins to turn back. Suddenly the ground shakes violently, the sky darkens and a loud roar can be heard. Out of lava rises the guardian of the egg, his roar pierces the air around him as rocks turn to dust. The traveler knows what the monster is called" Ultimate Obedient Fiend".

As he is faced with this horrible monstrosity, a light shines all around the traveler blinding the creature. The creatures retreats to his domain, the traveler blacks out. As the sun rises over the fiery wasteland, the traveler wakes to creature standing over him. Terrified he backs away and tries to run only to see that there is nowhere to run. The small creature approaches him and hugs his leg. Confused, he looks around and sees the remains of an egg shell. He comes to the conclusion that this creature must have been inside the egg.

Walking down the mountain with the strange red-eyed black scaled creature,

 the traveler seeks to find answers as to what this creature is and why did it choose him.

A Wolf's Tale

I am a wolf who is hunting alone.
Following a scent that leads me into the unknown.
I was curious and got separated from my pack.
Feeling hungry, I was looking for a quick snack.
Unfamiliar with the territory around me.
Was I suppose to be alone? Is this my destiny?
I look out for myself so that I may survive.
This scent I have been following, I hope it's worth the prize.
 Until I come to a cliff and I see what it is.
In this bushes I see them, a mother and two kids.
They seem lost away from their home.
Making a choice, I show them which way to go.
Seeing the humans together reminds me of my kind.
I should track them soon, I hope they aren't hard to find.
Stumbling on creek, drink the cool water quenches my thirst.
Stomach is growling so much that it hurts.
Fate provides me a meal, without hesitation I take it.
Howling at the moon , God I am grateful.
I know that one day I will find a mate.
Leading my own pack maybe one day.
The journey continues not giving in.
Doesn't matter how long it takes, I will run or swim.
Not everything works out the way it suppose to be.
The weather may change, but in the end I will still be me.

Truth and time.

Everyday is a new day to learn something new.
Sometimes it may have been something you never knew.
Once the truth is out, how does one react?
Knowing it happened and accepting the fact.
From my own experience, hearing the truth hurts.
I may not want to hear but denying it is worse.
Stumbling and falling as I walk.
Feeling uneasy, I would really like to talk.
What I like to do is to help out others.
Talking can help this journey be a little easier.
It makes feels better when I do the right thing.
The past that haunts me isn't something I want to bring.
In the future ahead, I pray for better days.
To be myself again and to know what to say.
I keep all that negative stuff behind me.
To go forward and face my destiny.
Finding someone who sees me and cares.
Not giving some awkward stare.
That is what I dream of, what I hope for.
Content and myself, nothing more.